My Accidental Summoning
by Neversaid-I-Madesense
Summary: In which a most peculiar demon is accidentally summoned from Hell due to Elliot's klutziness, Perry realizes that they're all meant for more things than he originally thought. Demon!JD, JDCox, Turla, Ellitor, AU!
1. CH1: I Wanna Wail MAIIILLL

My Accidental Summoning

* * *

"Oh _please_ Dr. Cox, as if I poured holy water over this stone a devil from Hell itself would actually _appear out of nowhere_." Elliot scoffed, her squeaky voice talking fast as per usual. "I thought you didn't believe in supernatural stuff, anyway?" She looked at him curiously. They were standing in an empty cathedral, after Carla had told them she had sensed something from in here. And she was right. A cursed, demonic stone was hidden in the walls. Elliot herself was the 'new chick' to this, so of course she was skeptical. She hadn't seen everything they had seen.

Perry growled. "I said I didn't believe in _God_, Barbie, not supernatural things." He glared at her fiercely with dark blue eyes. He motioned towards the smooth stone and the cup of holy water Elliot was holding in her hands. She gave him a confused look. "I don't care if that didn't make sense. Do _nawt_ do it, Barbaroo, or I swear to blog you _will_ regret it."

Carla decided to add her input. The Dominican nurse put a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Elliot, honey, I think he's right. I don't usually believe in those things myself, but Dr. Cox isn't one to lie about something like this…" And she was right. As usual.

It wasn't easy being a doctor (or nurse, in Carla's case, and a surgeon, with Ghandi…) _and_ a demon hunter. _Especially,_ Perry thought as Elliot tauntingly hovered the holy water over the demonic stone. _If most of them are idiots._ "Barbie, don't test me." He warned, baring his teeth at her.

For once she was unaffected. "It's just a teeny-tiny little rock, Dr. Cox! What harm can it do?" She raised a feminine blonde eyebrow at him. She juggled the stone in one hand, while doing the same with the holy water in the other. The elder redhead snatched it out of her hand. "It's a _cursed_ rock, Blondie. _Think_ before you act!" He barked. She stepped back a little this time, but otherwise didn't react. He glared at her with googly dark blue eyes.

"Oh, and like _you_ do, Mr. I-Have-The-Eyes-Of-A-Madman?" She retorted in that screechy voice of hers she only got when she was scared or angry, and she said it impossibly fast. Perry was used to this by now, and it only took him a second's pause to decode her meshed words.

"What the hell is it with people and saying I have crazy eyes--" The residency-director's growl was cut off as Elliot tripped over her own feet, the holy water spilling out of the cup and splattering onto the cursed stone. It began to glow radiantly, and Turk, who was standing off to the sides, had to put an arm in front of his face to make sure he wasn't blinded.

_Shit._ Perry cursed to himself. _Shitshitshitshitshit._

The stone suddenly burst into flames, which a figure emerged from. It looked dark at first, but then color slowly seeped into it. He was younger than Perry, probably in his twenties. _Do demons even age? _He had no wrinkles, his skin fair and pale like alabaster. He also noted that he looked Jewish, which was ironic in a way.

He was wearing a black open jacket, gray T-shirt underneath, blue jeans, and black tennis shoes. His eyes were like blue crystals of ice. His pure raven black hair was in a style that vaguely reminded Perry of Scar from _The Lion King_.

Which probably wasn't a good thing.

All was silent as the four demon hunters/scientists stared in awe and shock at the newcomer. The demonic but-not-so-demonic-looking being just stared back, the lights hitting his face dramatically, making him look much darker. His glare could melt glaciers and yet freeze burning flames, glowing sinisterly, and Perry found himself unable to move, locked in the raven-haired man's gaze.

Then, suddenly, the whole room seemed to brighten as he smiled and waved childishly, "Hiya guys! You summoned?" The light was gone, and suddenly he looked more _angelic_ than demonic. He positively _glowed_. His eyes were still bright, but the sharp, dangerous look in them had vanished completely.

Perry spluttered. He had never seen such a sexy… _No!_ He snapped at himself. _You can't think like that. Not now. This __**thing**__ is a __**demon**__. You can__**nawt**__ feel anything towards it besides hate._ "W-we didn't summon you _deliberately_, I assure you." He finally managed to say, but not without a stutter. Turk looked at him oddly. The redhead couldn't blame him. He _never_ went out of whack like this.

If the demon noticed his discomfort, he didn't show it. His smile only got wider. "Another accident? D'aw well. I'm here, so I might as well make the most of it." He slumped down into a seat, stretching his limbs. The group eyed him warily. The raven said casually, "The name's JD. Don't ask what it stands for. You won't like it."

Perry didn't doubt it at all. "…I'm Perry Cox." He said at last, the others giving him looks as if they thought he had gone mad. "These are my, and I say this reluctantly, partners. Carla Espinosa, Elliot Reid, and Chris Turk." He motioned towards each one individually as he introduced them. He didn't know why he had just given away their identities. Somehow he felt as if he could trust this demon, insane as it might sound.

JD merely nodded once to acknowledge them. Suddenly, he held out an open hand. There was a small flash of light, and a glass materialized in his hand. There was liquid in it. _Wine?_ Perry wondered. "Appletini, anyone?" JD offered, raising the glass up for everyone to see. His smile was friendly. The fiery-haired man had never seen a smile so bright, it almost seemed flawless, but he knew better.

Perry blinked at him stupidly. Appletini? Who the hell drank _appletinis_?

JD's smile dropped a little bit. "…Nectarini, then?" he tried, the drink in his glass changing color to what Perry guessed was a nectarini, whatever the hell that was. When no one moved or made a sound, he raised the glass to his own lips and drank it. His Adam's apple bobbed as he drank the feminine beverage.

Perry had to resist the urge to shiver. Not with fear, but pleasure. Which disturbed him a bit. He wasn't supposed to be feeling these… _things_, dammit. He was straight as an arrow. Really.

JD looked around at all of them, the silence clearly bothering him. "So… heh, pretty quiet in here, huh?" He was frowning now, but he weakly attempted to smile again, but failed. "I know!" he cried out after a moment's pause. "It'll lighten up the mood for sure!"

He stood up, and Elliot took a step back. Her pale blue eyes were wide in fear and shock. JD clapped his hands together, grinning, and practically bounced in placed. Perry just stared.

_What the hell is that idiot--_

"HERE'S THE MAIL IT NEVER FAILS IT MAKES ME WANNA WAG MY TAIL WHEN IT COMES I WANNA WAIL--" The raven took a deep breath, "--MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL!" His voice echoed around the cathedral. He flailed his arms around as he sang the ridiculous song childishly.

Silence.

"W-_what_?" Perry couldn't help himself. He laughed. Hard. JD looked thrilled, though Perry couldn't figure out why.

"_Blue's Clues_!" Turk yelled out suddenly, a look of realization on his face. He was smiling widely as memories rushed through his mind. "I knew I recognized that song!" Carla looked at her husband oddly. Elliot looked frozen in place.

"OMG!" JD yelped, rushing over to the surgeon/hunter. "You watch it too?!" Turk nodded vigorously in response. Together, they bounced while yelling out random quotes from different children's shows, laughing loudly together, and Perry swore he heard a squeal or two.

_Well,_ he thought. _This is certainly an interesting development._ During his hunter training, he had heard of a group of demons that were good and fought against their own kind to protect the human race, but they had all died long ago. Supposedly, one had survived, but to keep himself alive, he had surrendered to the King of Hell (AKA ol' Lucifer himself) and was forced to do his bidding. But, the first humans who summoned him were his masters forever.

That's why he, Carla, Elliot and Turk had come to the abandoned cathedral in the first place. They had received a tip that some evidence of The Last One's existence was hidden somewhere in there, and lo and behold, they had found a Summoning Stone, the smooth stone that Elliot had spilled Holy Water on before. It looked normal to the ones they usually found. Summoning Stones weren't that uncommon.

Apparently it was _much_ different than the usual.

Elliot began to shake herself out of her stupor, while Carla looked unsure exactly what to think. Perry figured she had figured it out too.

_I think…_ Perry thought, smiling to himself as he watched the ice-eyed demon practically _frolic_ with Ghandi, _…that we just found The Last One._

* * *

**A/N:** I would continue this, but the thing is, this was _supposed_ to be the seventh chapter for _My Musical Inspiration_ originally, but then it just morphed into something else entirely o.o I just thought of it as I typed. Seriously. I pulled this out of my ass just now. For now, this is a oneshot until I can figure out a proper storyline for this.


	2. CH2: Angel or Not

**A/N:** Hello my pretties! I think I have something. Not the _entire_ plot, exactly, but enough to make another chapter. Aren't you just amazed by my brilliance? :P

* * *

Another day at work. Their cover-up job. Yawn. There was nothing more boring than Sacred Heart before the Seven Sacred Words were uttered. For when they were said, it would set in motion all of the insane antics of the day. It awakened the hospital, so to speak. Like an alarm clock, said by the two most powerful men in the building.

"I hate you Bob."

"I know Perry."

And there they were. JD watched amusedly as the two battled it out.

Suddenly, everyone seemed to spring to life. Intern's eyes brightened, sluggish people picked up their pace, even the nameless Janitor actually made an effort to feign making an effort to keep the place clean. That's how much of an effect the Seven Sacred Words had on this supposedly Godforsaken place, as Perry had called it.

JD scoffed. No place was forsaken by God. Except for Hell, of course. How he hated that place.

He had been at Sacred Heart for three days, long enough to notice how things worked around there. Kelso and Perry scared the shit out of people, but that was a given. He would know. Carla was the mother-hen of the place, Turk was everyone's buddy, and Elliot was… Elliot. She still acted cautious around him, but he paid it no mind. There was only one person in his thoughts.

Dr. Percival Ulysses Cox MD. The fierce Irish redhead just sent _shivers_ down the raven's spine…

Someone walked by and JD ducked under the nurse's station, out of sight. He was pretty good at hiding. He _was_ a demon, after all. Carla was hard at work, focusing solely on her files, putting them neatly away in their respective folders. She had a no-nonsense look on her face. He peeked over the desk at her, his nose touching the cold desk. He watched her silently. In the background, he could still hear Perry and Kelso shooting ruthless insults at each other.

JD lurked.

Carla put away the last file.

He lurked some more.

She leaned against the station, sighing. She and Turk had been trying desperately to have a baby, and it was really beginning to stress her out.

He saw his chance.

"_Hiiiiii_ Carla!"

The Dominican nurse gasped, jumping at least three feet in the air, a hand slapped against her chest. She stared at the disturbance with wide dark eyes. JD was halfway hidden behind the desk, only his styled black hair and eyes showing. He had a mischievous expression in his ice-like orbs, making them shine, while also looking deviously sly at the same time. It was an admittedly cute and comical sight to see.

She relaxed after a few seconds of heavy panting, her now frizzed hair looking a bit weird. "Oh, JD," She managed to say breathlessly after a pause, "Don't… don't scare me like that, honey." She gave him a weak smile, while inwardly cursing him to somewhere that he knew quite well.

JD only nodded.

* * *

Time passed uneventfully. Later that day, they all drove back to the abandoned cathedral, all with only one thing in mind (except for JD. You all know what _he_'s thinking about). Why did they find JD's Stone there, of all places? What was so special about it?

Turk had even asked JD, but the raven had only shrugged. How was he supposed to know? Nobody ever told him anything back in Hell, out of fear of him using his smarts to somehow find some kind of loophole and escape. His brilliant mind was that _in_famous.

So, now, there they all stood (or in JD's case, sat, where he fondled playfully with appletini glasses while nibbling a beloved Twinkie), in the cathedral. It was built high on a hill, no one ever dared to go there. There were some rumors that the place was haunted, and whoever _did_ go in there either ended up killed or injured by unknown causes, the victims too traumatized afterwards to tell anyone about it.

But Perry and his team were good at what they did. A few simple charms around their necks and they were perfectly safe. Mostly. Only if the ghost or whatever was more powerful than the usual did they have a chance of getting attacked.

They needed answers, and they needed them now. Footsteps echoed throughout the church. Everyone turned their heads to look at the unknown person.

And they would get them.

The newcomer was an African-American woman, dressed in an all-white suit with long curly black hair, and she was (JD figured he shouldn't say this out loud) fat. Kind of. Okay, she _was_ fat. He just didn't feel entirely comfortable saying that about someone. JD watched her approach, noticing that she had a literal slight glow about her. Then he realized it. He smiled into his appletini glass. Of course the big guy would send help…

"Who the hell are you?" Perry demanded, stomping right up to her Cox-style. She looked up at the fiery redhead, straight into his googly eyes. She showed no fear whatsoever. That unnerved him a bit.

"Now, now, sweetheart," He said in that don't-fuck-with-me tone that all sassy fat black women had, and JD meant nothing offensive by that whatsoever, in fact he liked that about them. "No need to get all worked up. I'm here to help you. My name is Laverne Roberts, and I am an angel." She gave them all an expectant look.

Elliot sputtered. "A-angel?!" She exclaimed, and JD imagined her blonde hair sticking straight up as if hit by a lightning bolt, which would have look appropriate considering the odd face she was making.

Perry opened his mouth to say something along the lines of 'Don't be stupid, there's no such thing as Heaven--' when JD silenced him. "She's telling the truth." The raven said, not once stopping his torture of tasty snacks. "I could sense something weird before she even stepped foot in this place."

Perry looked at him with wide eyes, his gaze switching back and forth from JD and Laverne several times, before he managed to say (not squeak. Perry Cox does not squeak), "W-w-why are you here?" He looked stricken. Carla and Turk made a move to introduce themselves, while Elliot starting to squawk out incoherent words.

Laverne raised a hand. Elliot went quiet. _Thank God._ Perry thought, mentally making a sound between 'erwh' and 'grar' when he realized he had just acknowledge the big boss's existence. "I know who you all are." She placed her hands on her hips, shifting her own gaze to JD, "As for why I'm here, I was sent to give Q-tip here help in whatever I can."

_Q-tip?_ Was the same thought everyone was thinking about Laverne's random nickname. Except for JD. You all know what _he's_ thinking about.

Laverne reached for the Twinkies, fully intent on getting one for herself, when JD flinched away, holding his precious box of gooey-filled goodness against his chest as if it was the key to the universe. "Angel or _not_," he warned, "I will _punch_ you in the face if you touch my Twinkies." A wave of energy burst from him, sending Carla stumbling back a few steps.

Laverne raised her eyebrows at him. She turned to the others. "Well, the first thing I have to help you with is giving you the answers you want." She motioned her hand to indicate the entire church. "They chose this place to hide Q-tip's Stone because it was the most empty at the time, while still being close enough to civilization for someone like you to find it and unleash him."

"Who's 'they'?" Turk inquired, confused.

Laverne looked at him. "Who do you think, honey?" Her tone was incredulous. "The Lord Jesus Christ and all his loyal loving servants!" she said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Perry groaned.

She looked at the Irishman sharply. "And _you_, brother, need to learn some things about love." She snapped, glaring at him.

Perry rolled his eyes. "Oh, really?" He hissed scathingly, "What _is_ love, exactly?" Laverne looked ready to retort when JD spoke.

"Love is…" He trailed off as everyone turned their eyes to him. Then he restarted, "Love is giving someone the chance to destroy you," He stared intensely at Perry as he said this, "and trusting them not to…"

Perry had to use everything he had to keep himself from flushing in embarrassment. Laverne noticed this and smiled knowingly. "Whenever you need me, just call my name and I will come." She said, but then her face lit up as she remembered something. "There's one more thing I must tell you," She looked behind her, at the entrance to the cathedral.

"Lucifer knows where you are, and he's not too happy. He sent someone after you, and it will do everything in it's power to bring you back, Q-tip, dead or alive."

As if to emphasize her point, a thunderous roar sounded just outside the church. The sheer force of it made the building shake and even Perry falter in his step.

"Aww!" JD whined, his box of Twinkies dematerializing as he did, "Now we're gonna miss _Gilmore Girls_!" He sounded as if there could never possibly be anything worse. Turk nodded in agreement, his expression grim.

* * *

**A/N:** Hoshit! What now? 8O

Guys, thank you so much for your support! I got nine reviews, _NINE REVIEWS_, in one day! I've never gotten so many in such a short span of time! :D So this is all for you c:


	3. CH3: Was That Your Uncle?

**A/N:** JESUS CHRIST ON A CRUTCH PEOPLE. It's not like writing this stuff isn't fun, but you're flooding my inbox with your fantastical reviews xD Ah, screw it. Let the flooding commence! I LOVE REVIEWS!

* * *

"Well. Fuck." Perry snarled under his breath, gripping the handgun he had safely tucked away in his red hoodie jacket pocket, out of sight. "Now what?"

JD stood up from his seat, stretching his limbs. "Now," He said in a much firmer tone than any of them had ever heard him use, with an undertone of belligerence, "we fight." That look was back in his eyes again. The dangerous one that Perry had only seen during the first few seconds of his arrival.

"Are you nuts?!" Elliot screeched. Turk winced and Carla had to cover one ear to avoid becoming deaf. Perry scowled at her voice, but JD didn't even flinch. The blonde woman looked pale and frazzled with terror. "You can't possibly expect us to fight something _that loud_?!"

JD didn't answer, and then he was gone in a dark flash. Just _gone_. Elliot, Turk, and Carla couldn't even try to follow his movements. But Perry was the most experienced out of all of them, having become a hunter at the age of seventeen, while he guessed they all had just started three or four years earlier, which probably wasn't that off.

He watched JD move with some difficulty. He seemed to just fly down the rows of church seats. It wasn't until he reached the large doors that he stopped, not even panting or out of breath. Then he did something that amazed them all. He ripped the doors clean out of their well-built walls, without so much as a grunt of pain or effort.

Perry knew he was a demon, a God-knows-how-old demon, but he still couldn't help but let his jaw become slack at the astonishing display of power. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the kid (who obviously wasn't that much of a kid) at least _seemed_ completely harmless.

But the Irishman's revaluation of the quite humanlike creature (that was _supposed_ to be malevolent in every sense of the word, yet somehow not) was cut short by another horrible roar, and JD leapt back as an insect-like creature dove straight for him. It looked like a bug, or more specifically, a cockroach. A _very _long-bodied cockroach, with a flat, ugly face. It's eyes were a blazing blood red, filled with a hatred so intense Perry couldn't find the will to speak or move.

"Bambi!" Carla cried out, making a move to run to the raven, but Turk grabbed her by the arm, pulling her back, holding her against his chest to ensure she didn't go anywhere. She struggled in his grasp, but eventually gave up, looking utterly hopeless as time and time again the giant insect attempted to impale it's sharp fangs into JD's flesh. Perry never understood just why the hell she had decided to give the kid such an odd, girly nickname. Sure, he was in fact a little girl, but the girl names were his thing.

Then he realized something. Laverne! What had happened to her? He looked around himself wildly, trying to spot the sassy angel. But he didn't find any trace of her. She had vanished. Elliot, on the other hand, was muttering "Frick, frick, frick…" to herself like a mantra, her hands covering her mouth as she stood frozen. Her eyes were wide as saucers.

JD raised an open hand, a swirl of bluish-white light shaping in it, before he threw it at the creature, it's lower body getting covered in ice, which hindered it for a second, before it quite literally exploded, shards of incredibly cold frozen water scattering everywhere. It let out a shriek of pain, stumbling back, before going straight back to lunging for JD.

The raven merely ducked, a fierce expression on his face, and suddenly the redhead knew exactly why he was so feared. Air began to swirl around him like a mini-tornado, the whites of his eyes gradually darkening, while his blue irises brightened and glowed.

Perry saw something move out of the corner of his eye, which he almost missed because of the overwhelming fear he felt for the newfound object of his desires. He snapped his head around sharply to look at it.

Cockroaches. At least over thirty of them, all huddled together as the ground shook beneath them from the force of the insect-demon's rage against a cracked wall. Above them, a board of sharp wood jutting out of the wall. It looked loose. He gripped his handgun again. He knew exactly what do to now.

JD let out a snarling roar that sounded incredibly animalistic. His fanged teeth were bared at the other demon, "Come the fuck on already!" he practically howled. "I know that can't be all you've got!" He spared a quick glance at the others, relief flooding him as he saw they were being left alone. _I won't let it touch them._ He vowed. _Not when they're giving me a chance to save the Others._ His thoughts momentarily drifted to the fiery redhead who he just couldn't get out of his mind. _And I think I may have a chance to make him mine…_

A sharp whistle and distinct cracking sound caught his attention, and unfortunately the insect's as well, as it looked straight at the source, making a growling _WHRRRR_ sound as it's head swiveled.

Perry stood over a pile of crushed dead cockroaches. "Oh, I'm sorry," he sneered at the giant ugly demon, "was that your sister?" He raised a foot, before stomping it down. A barely audible squeak sounded beneath his boot. "Heh, guess that was your uncle." He added with a wide, lopsided smirk. His dark blue eyes sparkled as his plan worked flawlessly. The demonic cockroach let out a screech of fury. The smirk never left the Irishman's face. The raven could easily imagine fangs in those snowy-white teeth of his.

_He would make a good devil._ JD couldn't help but think.

"Cox!" Turk yelled, "What the hell are you _doing_, man?!" He demanded, sounding frantic.

"Saving all your asses." He replied with a heated glare at the surgeon.

The raging demon went straight for him, it's jaws and revolting sharp teeth screaming _I'M-GONNA-FUCKING-KILL-YOU_, but Perry made no move to dodge. He just stood there, a hand behind his back, his smug expression never faltering. The ugly thing crashed into a pillar on it's way over to him, blinding everyone's vision as dust and debris filled the air.

For JD, time seemed to slow down. He could do nothing as memories of centuries before flooded his senses.

"_Johnny! Damn it, little bro! Do what the hell you're told and stay __**behind**__!" He could feel them clawing at his skin all over again, as he helplessly watched the ones he cared for most being ripped to pieces, but left alone just enough to stay alive, just barely…_

He was knocked out of his stupor when a loud ear-piercing scream of pain echoed around him, everything going tensely quiet as the atmosphere cleared.

* * *

**A/N:** And that's not even a half of the J-Dawg's abilities ;3


	4. CH4: Hell if I Know

**A/N:** Am I the only one who noticed that FF just completely zonked out all of sudden? O.o It did for me. I would have updated much sooner if it would have let me on.

* * *

JD felt dread building up inside him like a bomb just waiting to explode. The dust cleared, and his breath hitched in his throat at the sight of…

…Perry standing completely unharmed, holding out a long, sharp piece of wood in one hand, which also happened to be sticking straight through and out the other side of the cockroach-demon's chest, while in his other hand was his silver handgun, which was pointed right into the thing's flat face.

"Move," the redhead warned, "and you won't live to see another half-assed sunrise down in that dark smelly place under your feet. Not that you aren't dead already, but you catch my drift." He smirked slightly at his own dark humor.

The monstrous insect actually had the sense to gulp. But then it began to give off a light, getting smaller and smaller, morphing into something shockingly familiar. A human. It was of course, still in fact a demon, but you get it. He was tall, but his face was flat, rounded and ugly. His hair was short and brown, but his eyes were a bright, hateful red. The deadly wood still protruding from his back, he coughed violently, blood spewing out of his mouth, and Perry flinched back to avoid getting hit by the acidic liquid.

JD marched straight up to him, ripping the spear-like weapon clean out of his chest, effectively making the other demonic man scream in agonizing pain. He fell to his knees, still coughing and gasping for breath, and JD crouched to get on eye level. "Bajeezus, Artik," he sneered, which looked strangely out of place on his normally calm face, "how _pathetic_ do you have to be to get your ass handed to you by a _human_?" He glanced over his shoulder at the others. "No offense."

They all shrugged. He was right, in a way.

Artik barely managed to snarl at him, "You're one to talk!" his voice was scratchy and unpleasant, and his teeth were positively repulsive. He may be have been put down for the count, but there was no mistaking the burning hatred in his crimson eyes. "_You_ used to be hu--"

"Did I _say_ you could speak?" JD cut him off sharply. Artik bit his lip, but wisely chose to stay silent. "Good. You know, Lucifer could've been smarter than to send _you_ after me. What, did he think that a few centuries would make me _rusty_? In his dreams." With that, he placed a cool hand on Artik's forehead, before pushing down slightly, a black substance enveloping the ugly humanoid, before both of them vanished in a burst of foul air.

Perry almost gagged. Damn, did that stuff smell bad. JD seemed unaffected by it, however.

"What did you do?" Elliot squeaked, walking towards him to stare at the spot where Artik used to be, which now only held a dark spot from the smelly air. JD stood, relaxing and letting all hostility drain from his body language. He took a deep breath, relief washing over him that all this was over and answered the blonde, "Sent him back to hell, where he belongs." He smiled at her.

She stared. "What?" He asked, looking genuinely confused. Elliot just couldn't seem to register how someone could be so innocent one second, and a killing machine the next.

"So," Perry started, grinning his signature lopsided half-grin half-smirk, "are _all_ demons that ugly in full form, or are we just lucky?" he couldn't help but ask. For a minute he regretted it, but JD didn't seem offended. Not that he cared. Perry Cox didn't give a damn about anyone more than professionally, it was fact.

…So why did his heart always skip a beat whenever JD looked at him with his baby blues?!

JD snorted good-naturedly, smiling at him. "I'm damn sure better-looking than Artik. _Everyone_ is." Perry had half a mind to smile back, but realized that would be way too out of character. People were giving him enough odd looks as it was whenever JD was around. The girl just brought out the _nice_ in him, it was _disturbing_. Bobbo had said it himself.

Ah, Bobbo. The old prick was a retired hunter, so he had agreed to let the four-person team have the raven-haired demon follow them around the hospital, as he seemed to know a lot about medicine. When he asked JD how he knew so much, however, he didn't answer. He decided not to press the matter, as it seemed to be personal. Ted, Kelso's loyal yet clinically depressed assistant/lawyer, had been sworn to secrecy, which he agreed to out of fear for the elderly man.

"What now?" Turk asked, approaching to stand beside them, Carla right beside him. He looked a bit winded. They all did, except for, of course, JD.

JD didn't answer immediately, instead, he watched amusedly as Elliot hyperventilated. "Now we figure out how to rescue the Others, my _supposedly_ dead comrades." He smiled faintly at the last part, as if at some inner joke that only he knew. _They'd kill me if I called them that in their presence._ He thought to himself.

Turk opened his mouth. JD beat him to it. "I know what you're gonna say. Yes, they're alive." It took a second, but they all seemed to accept this. Minus Elliot, who only started to breath faster.

"Jesus, Barbie," Perry growled, pinning the freaking out woman under his crazy gaze, "you look like you have a damn hemorrhoid." At that, she started to calm down a bit. Was it just him, or did she seem to be freaking out a _lot_ those past three days, even more so than usual? For the love of _Zeus_, she was _supposed_ to be a trained professional, not a damsel in distress! It was pissing the Irishman off.

Ignoring them, Carla inquired almost skeptically, "And how do you suppose we do that, Bambi?" Her arms were held akimbo, one eyebrow arched slightly. Carla-from-the-Block was on the loose.

JD shrugged nonchalantly. "Hell if I know. All I know is that we gotta do it." He put his hands in his jacket pockets. "Besides, it's always funner when you wing it, right?" He smiled widely at them all. "After all, if we don't, then Lucifer's plans to wipe out humanity will go unchallenged, and you'll all die within the next thirty years." His smile never wavered once.

Everyone gaped at him.

"Now wait just a second!" Elliot screeched. "I didn't ask for this! Just to be thrown into something that's bigger than all of us!" She gave him her best glare. "Why do we have to go through with this at all?!"

JD stared at her. It wasn't a stare of shock, no, no. It looked more like the stare that a wise elder would give to a child acting foolishly. "Because you don't have a choice." He answered sagely. "Everything that you've trained for, everything that you've been warned of, all of the looks that psychics have given you-- true psychics can tell when someone has a certain destiny in store for them, you know that." He gave Perry a pointed stare, silencing the man who looked about ready to speak. He continued, "It has all led up to this. This is what you were meant for. You can't run from it. You can't hide from it. No matter where you go, it will follow. _I_ will follow." He finished his speech. The more he spoke, the louder his voice got, and the more it echoed around the cathedral, only adding to it's dramatic effect.

The four stared at him in awe, even Perry was impressed. But he'd never admit it. Ever. Though something told him JD could see right through him.

And as JD started to speak again, everything got even more quiet, as if the whole church were eager for his next words:

"And that, Simba, is the Great Circle of Life."

And suddenly it was gone. The tension in the air was released as if giving a simultaneous sigh of exasperation. Turk cackled with laughter. Carla and Elliot gave the raven looks of utter disbelief.

Perry smacked him over the head. JD yelped in pain, shielding his head with his arms. "What the _hell_ did you ruin the moment for, you little rat bastard?!" The redhead snarled, and JD winced.

_It was __**so**__ worth it._

* * *

**A/N:** Well. That was interesting. I tried to make it funny and serious, but I think I failed. Horribly. Anyways, review?


	5. CH5: Newbie Elaborates

**A/N: Guys, seriously, read this please?**

Eternaldark, though I was a bit stung by your review (which is normal I guess, it was the first meaningful criticism I've gotten in a review), I agree. I can't say I have very much experience with writing human fics. If you look at my profile you'll see that I've had much more luck writing _Warriors_ and _Lion King_ fictions, which are both based on cats, my specialty, weird as it may sound… Truth this, this fic has become everything that I've feared it would be. Rushed.

So, I'm going to do my best to dedicate this chapter (and maybe the next) to showing how exactly all the characters are reacting to everything. Development. I think. Oh, geez. I'm going to fail _so_ hard.

* * *

Elliot sat in the staff lounge, contemplating the events of the last three days. She had never asked for this. To suddenly be thrown into something bigger than all of them combined. She had never even wanted to become a hunter, but all that had changed when her boyfriend Shawn was murdered by a crazed demon three years ago. Sure, she had gotten over it, but she didn't want to see it happen to anyone else.

She had underwent a year and a half of training at a small, isolated camp in a forest that didn't even have a name. It had taken her forever to even learn that there was even a training camp for such things. She had almost hoped she would be some cool demon hunter missionary or whatever that roamed the country killing evil stuff, like all those sexy people on TV. _Wishful thinking._ She snorted to herself. The training had been damn hard, and even though it succeeded in making her an at least decent hunter, it had failed to change anything about her nutty personality and behavior. Her instructors had been disappointed.

Her family? She told them she was going to hetero camp, and they never brought it up again. Now, they believed she was a doctor. Or more specifically, an intern.

She sighed, pulling her legs up onto the couch, resting her chin on them. Even though her job in medicine was supposed to be a cover-up for her real line of work, she took it seriously. They all did. People could die because of them in both of their careers. That is, if demon hunting even _was_ a career. She guessed it wasn't. The government didn't even have a clue they existed. And if they did, then they most likely just thought they were just nutcases.

She sighed again. If they really did decide to go through with what JD had said, then they probably were insane. The guy was a _demon_, how could they even consider trusting him? Who was to say that he wasn't lying? Were they under some kind of trance or something? Frick-on-a-stick, who was there to say that the Four even ever existed? She didn't understand how they could trust him so easily. Yeah, he seemed like a friendly, silly guy, but demons were good liars. They could tell a fib while looking you straight in the eye.

But, JD… he couldn't. You could always tell when he was uncomfortable because he wouldn't dare look you in the face. One of the lessons drilled into her brain from her training years echoed in her mind.

"_It is extremely rare, but sometimes Lucifer chooses a human to be converted into a demon, if they have enough potential, making them one hundred percent malicious and black-hearted as any other of his servants. Unless they have some humanity left in them…"_

Elliot's face brightened. Holy crap, how had she not seen it before? It was so obvious. Now she knew why the others had been so sure.

* * *

Turk leaned against the nurse's station, letting out a puff of air as his wife massaged his shoulders. A crash cart was wheeled unbelievably fast past them, and Carla bit her lip, before trying to smile. Another death. She didn't even hope that the person might make it. There had been many, _many_ deaths the last month, in fact, that had been the sixth person that day to crash.

She didn't dare read the newspaper anymore. The obituary was always on the front page, nearly half of the names ones she recognized. Patients she had known. Her forced smile looked rueful, against her best efforts. She didn't know why so many people around the world were dying all of a sudden. Some said it was an epidemic, but nobody had any clue what the illness was. It didn't even seem like any illness. More like an attack.

It was always the same. Someone would find the slashed and massacred body of someone, as if attacked by an animal, and rush them to the hospital. They could be saved, the wounds weren't that horrible, or fatal. The doctors were doing nothing wrong.

Yet it somehow ended up fatal anyway. They just _died_, no explanation given, no logical reason. Like some kind of curse. But Carla doubted it. There were no supernatural beings she had ever heard of powerful enough to cast such a curse. Except for Lucifer, but even he would require help, help that none could give him. He wasn't the King of Hell for nothing, he made himself leader all on his own simply by being strongest.

Giving up on feigning happiness, Carla rested her head on her husband's shoulder, and he gave no protest.

Carla had taken up demon hunting after her brother Marco was attacked in the night by a malevolent spirit. Nobody knew of her secret profession besides her husband, brother and two-- no, _three_ friends. Turk, Marco, Perry, Elliot and now, JD. She had met Turk, Elliot, _and_ Perry at training camp.

Turk and Elliot had both been students alongside her, but guess what role Perry had to play? That's right. Instructor. Not pleasant.

Turk himself had never really had any reason to get into hunting. He just heard of it one day and found it interesting. He used to have half a mind to just give up on it during camp since he really didn't seem to get anywhere, the lessons flying well over his head. But then he met Carla, and all that changed. He pushed himself just to impress her, and was even given a compliment from the big Coxer himself. Once. But that was enough for the other instructors to pass him, Perry being quite well-known and respected among the hunter community.

A few months later, Turk and Carla had married, Perry their best man. Though, now that Turk had met JD, he knew that if he had met the raven before then, _he_ would have been his best man. The two had clicked instantly, practically the best of friends over only three days. They knew almost everything about the other already.

The word _almost_ is used because while JD almost knew everything about Turk off the top of his head, there were still plenty of mysteries surrounding him that none of the group knew. They knew he was the Last (though technically, from what he'd told them, he wasn't _really_ the Last), and that they were meant to do this, whatever it was, but besides that… nothing.

Inwardly telling himself to remember to confront the demon about it, Turk let himself and his wife doze.

* * *

The wind breezed through his curly fiery red hair, and he slumped down to the ground, sitting Indian-style. He was on the roof of the hospital, the clear blue sky looking lovely above him, but he took no notice whatsoever. So many deaths, too much for him to handle. He had barely been able to pull through it the last time a patient died while under his care.

Perry buried his face in his hands. At this rate, he wasn't going to make it.

But then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He didn't even bother to look up, he knew who it was.

"Newbie." He acknowledged grudgingly. There was a history behind that nickname, a recent one. Just that morning, Perry had taken him golfing. Partially because Carla threatened to yell at him at random times in Spanish if he didn't, and partially because he-- wanted--…

Oh, screw it. He wanted to finally have him alone. There. That wasn't so hard, was it?

The little girl had no clue what golfing was. "What, you know _Blue's Clues_, _Teletubbies_ and _Bear's Big Blue House_ but not golfing, Sandra?" Perry had joked halfheartedly, giving him a look of mock disbelief. JD pouted. He wasn't even exaggerating. The girl sported a full-on _pout_.

_God help me,_ Perry thought, mildly disgusted with himself, _I thought it was **cute**__._

So, Perry had called him a 'Newbie at golfing' and it had stuck. Cindy didn't really seem to care in the least, though. Perry would almost say that he _liked_ it.

JD sat down beside him, but neither said nothing for a long while. But then JD broke the silence. "All of the deaths is Lucifer's doing." He deadpanned.

Perry froze. "…What?" He asked finally, his jaw hanging slack for a second, before catching himself and, raising his head to look at the raven, watched him with a questionable expression.

JD's usually bright eyes had a certain darkness in them now, as his ice blue gaze bore into Perry's highly contrasting dark blue ones, he elaborated, "Remember when I said that if you guys didn't do what you were meant to do, that you'd all die within the next thirty years? Yeah, well, this is what I was talking about. He's sending his minions to first kill off all of the truly devout religious people, and it'll just go down from there. He's been stalling for such a long time because he's been too busy readying his armies."

Perry sat, quiet, letting all of it sink in. Well, damn. He guessed they really were meant for this. He had had his doubts before, but… he let the thought trail off. He had no problem with saving humanity, really, he just didn't particularly want to die doing it.

JD's voice broke his thoughts. "I wasn't always a demon, you know. I had a family too. In fact, my big brother Dan was one of the Others." He smiled slightly. Perry didn't say anything, so JD continued, "The other two were Jordan and her brother Ben. All four of us used to be human, our families murdered just so Lucifer, the old silver-haired bastard, could make us join his ranks. It's not like we had a choice, and I'm not proud of the things he made me do while under his command…" JD trailed off, his expression hardening.

But his face relaxed as he went on, "Jordan was… well, she was kind of a bitch. I think you two would get along well," he joked, and Perry couldn't help but roll his eyes out of impulse. "But she'd help you when it really mattered, _while_ pretending she didn't give a damn which was bullshit." His grin was wry. "Reminds me of someone I know."

Perry scowled, but JD knew he didn't mean it.

"Ben was… ecstatic. And funny. He had this _camera_, that _damned camera_ which he took pictures with at the _dumbest of times_," he laughed a little. "'Cheese' was the guy's _catchphrase_." He looked thoughtful. "I think you'd like him, for some reason."

"And you're brother?" Perry couldn't help but ask.

JD smirked a little. "Dan was… an idiot. Had a heart of gold, but still an idiot." He paused. "Kick my ass if he heard that, though." He added.

Perry said nothing. Just stared at the younger-looking man. Demon. Whatever. After a while, JD felt himself getting drowsy, and before long, he looked asleep. Perry was amazed that he could fall asleep in a position that didn't look very comfortable. Wouldn't he want to rest his head on something? His question was answered as JD's head fell against his shoulder, and he stiffened. Hastily glancing around himself, he let a small, genuine smile grace his lips and he relaxed, finally letting himself enjoy the sight of the beautiful sky. Why the hell not? It wasn't like the kid was awake…

JD smiled, the slightest dusting of pink on his cheeks, but it went unseen.

* * *

**A/N:** There, I hope this clears up some things… In the next few chapters, I'm going to try and explain some other things too. Like what that little flashback JD had in the last chapter was. Sound good? Review!


	6. CH6: NAHAHAHAHAHA!

JD liked to think he was a pretty funny person. He liked making jokes, making people laugh. It just gave him this joyous feeling that he couldn't explain. Self-promoting thoughts aside, however, he actually _was_ funny. Especially when he wasn't trying to be. His awkward, yet lovable personality just made people hysterical sometimes. He knew he had heard some pretty funny stuff in his lifetime, but this just had to take the cake:

"Don't get me wrong, I to-tah-lly appreciate this steaming pile of horseshit-life God's given me, Susanna, but _gosh darn it_, sometimes you just make it just too much to bear. Honestly, I'm considering plunging this spork into my jugular right now."

…That was officially the funniest thing he had ever heard. And it showed. First, it started as barely audible snickering. Then chuckling. Then light laughter. Then… well, then he exploded. Guffawed, even. It was loud enough that several heads in the hospital cafeteria turned to look at him in alarm.

Perry just watched him with amusement glittering in his eyes, a small smirk plastered on his face.

* * *

"Baby?"

Carla looked up from the computer screen. "Turk?" They were at the nurse's station, and Carla was searching the Internet for anything that could be useful about the Five.

"Did you find anything?" Her husband asked, crouching slightly beside her to watch the screen.

The Dominican nurse shook her head. "Not a thing, unfortunately." Her dark eyes shone with disappointment, and her shoulders slumped.

He rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. "We'll find something. We've gotta." He let out a small sigh, running a hand over his nearly nonexistent hair. He looked tired. Two days had passed since the demon attack, and they had been doing all they could to learn more. It hadn't been working all that well, as you can see.

A moment of silence passed between them, then Turk broke it, "Baby, can I ask you something?"

Forcing herself to push away her worries for her man, Carla blinked at him. "Sure, Turk. What is it?"

"Can I call you Pickle?"

* * *

"So." JD said, his breathing finally returning to normal from the manic laughter that had overcome him only minutes ago. We're talking _maniacal_, here, people. Perry would describe it as a supervillian-ish laugh, _NAHAHAHAHAHA_. And yet it still turned him on. Which he wisely chose to ignore. But there was still a knowing look in Newbie's eyes that made him wonder. He fought the urge to shuffle in his seat uncomfortably.

"Why'd you become a demon hunter?"

Perry blinked. Once. Twice. Nobody had ever asked him that before, not even Carla, Gandhi, or even the nosy-as-hell Barbie. They figured it was something personal since he never talked about it, thus agreeing to never bring it up. And they thought he didn't know. He almost snorted. He was Perry Cox, the best damn doctor in the city _and_ demon hunter extraordinaire, well-known and respected by hunters across the country, he knew _everything_ going on within a ten-mile radius.

"Um…" JD muttered when he didn't answer, wondering if he'd struck a nerve. "Sorry, is that too--"

Perry grunted, interrupting him. "Don't get 'yer panties in a bunch, Eleanor, I was just surprised you asked." He straightened himself, getting into what was usually his Ranting Pose, but today it was being used for a different purpose.

"My father was an abusive bastard." He began bluntly, and JD stiffened, immediately realizing that the man's story was not a happy one. He had suspected it before, people just weren't that assholish without good reason, but still. "He beat me, my sister Paige, and my mother on a regular, daily basis. He would come home drunk every day, as if he wasn't bad enough when he was _sober_." JD could see the Irishman's jaw set stiffly. "But then, one day, he was targeted by a vengeful spirit." His eyes darkened. "It influenced him to hurt us more, and eventually to kill us. I beat him to it, by destroying _both_ of them." His expression was set in stone.

JD said nothing.

"My mom died a few years back, and now my sister's hella religious. That's pretty much it, Oh-Newbile-One." Perry finished, stretching his arms and rolling his neck until they made a satisfying cracking sound. The raven looked stunned for the briefest of seconds, before letting out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding.

"I'm sorry." The younger-looking man said at last, in a soft voice. His bright ice blue eyes glowed with sympathy and empathy.

Perry grunted again. JD opened his mouth as if to say something, but a new voice called out across the cafeteria, "Hey, guys!" they both looked at the source of the sound.

Carla, Elliot, and Turk were bounding over to their table, but they weren't alone. With them was a young man with spiky brown hair and soft blue eyes. He was wearing light blue scrubs; an intern. "Guess what?!" Elliot exclaimed in that squeaky voice of hers as they all pulled out a chair to sit in.

"What the hell are you banshee-ing about now, Barbie?" Perry grumbled, giving her a nasty glare for ruining his alone time with his Newbie. He didn't even try to correct himself anymore, he just ignored it. Carla smiled to herself, decoding the reason for the redhead's attitude quickly.

Pulling the newcomer into a seat next to him, Turk clapped the intern on the back, and the young doctor-in-training winced but still attempted to smile. "We've got a lead." The surgeon told them excitedly. "Guys, this is Keith Dudemeister." He motioned towards the intern, who waved at them all timidly.

Perry's brows shot up into his hair and JD stared at Keith disbelievingly. _That doesn't even sound __**real**__!_

Turk coughed to regain their attention and continued, "Keith here came to us earlier asking if we were hunters. We denied it at first--"

Perry snorted, crossing his arms against his chest. "Of course." Carla elbowed him.

"--but he wouldn't leave us alone. He told us he knew something that might help us find the Others." Turk ignored the older doctor. JD's face lit up. "Say hello to our first lead, guys!"

* * *

**A/N:** This took longer than usual, so I apologize. And I know it's short. I'm finally starting to get an idea for the chapter plans. And I've noticed something. I've never heard JD laugh out loud on the show once. I mean, I've heard him _laugh_, but not like a full-blown _guffaw_ (I love that word). And if I have, it was probably pretty short. So I made up my own reason why he hasn't xD HE HAS A COOL SUPERVILLIAN LAUGH and he doesn't want to freak people out. I think a fine example of this is shown in the first eighteen seconds of Disturbed's "Inside the Fire" which is an _epic_ song that you should _totally_ listen to. Review?


	7. CH7: There's a Catch

"They're _where_?!" JD roared, shooting up in his seat and slamming his hands on the table. Elliot jumped, Carla watched him with wide eyes. Turk considered putting a hand on his shoulder to calm him down, but figured it probably wouldn't do much good. Perry didn't do anything but study his reaction.

Keith flinched, sinking back into his chair with an expression of misery on his face (and in his eyes, fear). "In… the Seventh Lair of… Hell?" he repeated in a squeak. The emotions in JD's icelike orbs were intense. Anger, disbelief, and fear. Keith had explained to them that he was half-demon himself, his mother a former high-ranked demoness in Lucifer's Court. She had fallen in love with his father, giving up most of her powers, but keeping enough for Keith to inherit some of them. With Lucifer's planning, she had returned to Hell to try and do something, _anything_, to stop it, but had ended up killed herself, but not before sending a hawk messenger to Keith's father and him, telling them that the Others were indeed still alive, but their chances were slim.

JD stayed in his position for a second longer before he exploded once again, "_Damn it_!" People were staring again now. JD almost looked like he was shaking, and his teeth were grit to the point where Perry was sure they'd crack under the pressure. Said man made attempted to make a move towards the younger-looking man, but the black-haired demon then stood from his chair, whirling around to the exit of the cafeteria, black jacket making an almost dramatic _SWISH_ sound as he went.

Everyone (even Keith, albeit hesitantly) got up after him, but Elliot, surprisingly, was the fastest one to him. Perry guessed her small size came in handy _sometimes_. Latching onto his arm, she squeaked, "Where are you going?!" he ignored her, shrugging her off without much effort. Perry also supposed that her small size worked against her as well.

"Newbie." He said in the firmest voice he could make, putting his vice-like grip on the demon's shoulder. He didn't miss the flow in Newbie's body as all his muscles simultaneously relaxed as soon as his hand touched him. There was a flash in the raven's eyes and he knew the kid had felt it. "Stop making a scene." He grunted in a quiet tone, and after a short pause JD nodded.

"I can't leave them there, they'll die…" There was a quiver almost undetectable in the demon's voice, and for the briefest of moments Perry saw him for what he really was-- on the inside, at least: a scared, determined young man who just wanted to save his family. Though only one of the Others were actually blood-related to them, they were still close. Even if Jordan would never, _ever_ admit it...

He saw JD as just like he, Perry Cox, used to be, before he had killed his father and the demon possessing him. A wave of feelings swept over the attending/hunter, most of which he couldn't identify immediately. Adding in a much lower voice, JD growled, "It's the _Seventh Lair_ of _Hell_ for a reason, dammit."

"And we _will_ save them." Carla told him forcefully, tugging on his arm and trying to walk out of the cafeteria. "But this is hardly to place to discuss how. Let's go somewhere more private." Knowing she was right, JD followed, Perry matching him step-for-step (the others right behind), said redhead noticing that the black-haired demon wouldn't dare look him in the eye. Kelso wouldn't say anything against their leaving, Perry knew. The old bobcat knew their situation, so if they suddenly left without explanation he wouldn't say much. Besides, there were plenty of other doctors on-call that day that could take over their patients.

* * *

"How the hell are we supposed to _do_ this?" Turk grumbled more to himself than anyone else as he sat himself down on the couch. They were in his and Carla's apartment, where JD had been staying since his arrival. Carla settled down beside him, a frazzled-looking Elliot squeezing her way next to her, her hand clamped around Keith's as he stood awkwardly by the couch. JD and Perry were standing apart in different sides of the room, as every time they so much as brushed against each other both would feel a light shock go down their spines.

They (namely Elliot) had dragged Keith with them, in case they needed more information he might have (more like because Elliot needed someone to latch onto and basically go crazyfrick with, the waves of distress coming off of JD were having effects on her psyche. Keith, however, being half demon, didn't feel much, while everyone else's minds were strong enough to ignore it).

Nobody answered Turk's question, until Keith stammered out, "U-um…" All eyes landed on him and the medical intern started to sweat. "Uh…" he tried again to no avail.

"Well?" Perry growled, narrowing his eyes and baring his teeth slightly at him in that way that he knew scared the living crap out of people. Again, Keith flinched. This wasn't going nearly as well he had thought it would.

"W-well…" Keith cleared his throat and straightened himself somewhat, "The only way to get to them is to go down to the Seventh Lair itself, which is no easy task."

"Not _shit_, Josephine." Perry spat, glaring at the younger (now terrified) man.

Still, the intern forced himself to continue, "A-a-and, uh… the only way to get there… is through… a ceremony." JD watched Keith with curious eyes. Even though he was one of the most powerful demons of Hell, he had never been very knowledgeable of ceremonies/summonings. He left that to the experts: Jordan and Ben. Turk raised his eyebrows at him. Why was he telling them something they already knew? "But, there's a catch…" This time the surgeon/hunter's eyebrows furrowed, and JD stiffened. Damn. A catch when it came to demonic stuff was never good, "…if you want to perform the ceremony successfully, there must be a sacrifice."

The air became tense. Elliot stared up at Keith with wide eyes, wordlessly begging that he wasn't talking about what she thought he was.

"What kind of sacrifice." It was a rhetorical question, but Perry felt he had to say it anyway.

Keith stared at his feet. "For the act to be successful… someone must die."

* * *

**A/N:** Well, _now_ we're getting somewhere! I know this chappie was pretty serious, but the show also has it's dead-serious moments, so hopefully I'm still keeping them in character... Review?


	8. CH8: Glenn Who?

"One of us… is going to d-die?" Elliot whispered, sinking into her seat, a hand clamped tightly over her mouth. Her dull-blue eyes were wide with horror. Carla and Turk had gone pale, Keith still staring at his shoes as if he couldn't bear to look anyone in the face. He probably couldn't.

For a second, JD's jaw was slack, before he promptly closed it and swallowed hard. _That sounds like something a "catch" from Hell would be like._

"_No one_ is going to die." Perry snapped at the blonde woman, his eyes blazing. His jaw was set tightly. "We… we'll just have to find another way." He didn't know how, he didn't know where, but damn it, they'd find it. He wouldn't allow someone on his team to die. Or Newbie. Hell, was he even part of the team now? Due to the rules of a Summoning, the demon _did_ have to stick with them 24/7 or else he'd begin to deteriorate physically after two days of separation.

JD bit his lip, almost drawing blood and barely keeping himself from grabbing the redhead by the collar, "There _is_ no other way!" he shouted, fists clenched at his sides until his knuckles were white. He was breathing hard.

"There has to be." Perry growled through grit teeth. "There's no one to sacrifice! And as if I'd let any of you do it."

"Then who?!" Carla blurted, leaning forward on the couch, "Like JD said, we can't leave the Others to die." Turk, unable to form words, nodded dumbly next to her, even though he most likely couldn't quite understand her words.

"Don't you think I know that?!" Perry hissed, putting his arms behind his head in that way he always did when he knew something had to be done, but he wasn't sure how to do it. Turning to Keith, who was watching him wide-eyed, he growled, "Isn't there some other way to get to Hell at all? _Anything_ that doesn't have to do with sacrifice?!"

Again, the young intern started to sweat as all eyes landed on him again. Keith racked his mind for any possible answer that wasn't "no." He almost found none; until his soft blue eyes lit up, "Glenn." He said simply.

Perry's brows knitted together in confusion. "What?"

"Glenn Matthews." Keith specified, suddenly looking much more confident. "He's a master at these things-- a Shifter, in fact. I know he'll be able to help you!" He added as an afterthought, "As long as he's not too busy planning world domination… again…"

"Wait," JD said, raising a hand. He looked relieved at the possibility of another option, but suspicious at the same time, "Who's Glenn Matthews?"

"He works at Sacred Heart," Keith told him, and Perry blinked twice. Glenn Matthews worked _where_? "You guys see him every day! He's the maintenance man."

They all stared at him with blank expressions. Keith sighed, "The Janitor?"

A chorus of "_Oh_." answered him. Looking a bit annoyed, the intern said, "I mean, really, guys, just 'cuz he's a janitor doesn't mean he's nameless. That assumption always pisses him off."

"I don't give a damn." Perry growled, towering over him and instantly Keith was back to his fearful ways. "How the hell did we not know Jumpsuit was a Shifter?" He almost seemed to be asking himself more than anyone else. "He must be damn good at hiding it, if he could sit there in our sights every day and stay out of our hunter radars…"

Shifters were a kind of healer, very knowledgeable in herbs and medicine, while also experts in ceremonies, summonings, and the like. They were also where the legend of the _werewolf_ came from, as they could shift into any animal form they wished, usually canines, like dogs, wolves or foxes, hence the title Shifter. Usually it would be easy for a hunter, with their honed senses and instincts, to sense the presence of one, as they carried the poignant, strong scent of herbs with them wherever they went, no matter how many showers they took.

Perry had caught those scents on Lurch a few times before, but had thought nothing of it, since they were quite few and far-between. He wished he hadn't now.

"That's why I said he's a master." Keith mumbled under his breath, but Perry heard him. Making a low, nearly animalistic growling sound at the back of his throat, the Irishman took a threatening step toward him. Keith immediately made a frightened whimpering sound and hastily backed up a few steps.

Satisfied with this reaction, Perry snorted.

"So…" the quiet voice caught the redhead's attention and he looked at the speaker. JD. "…we're going to save them?" The black-haired demon's blue eyes were wide and hopeful, yet scared, and his _ridiculously_ attractive full lips were quivering…

Perry tried to ignore his heart melting as his gaze softened, "Yes, JD." JD's eyes went even wider. Not once, _ever_, had Perry called him by his real name since he had got there. It was always Sasha, Nellie, Clarice, Hannah, or Newbie… "If Jumpsuit knows what's good for him, we're going to save them."

JD did his best to not let himself tear up over something like this, so he just answered with a watery smile.

They stared at one another for a few more seconds before Carla cleared her throat. In an instant, they broke the stare, looking somewhere else. _Anywhere_ else, as long as it wasn't the other. JD kept fidgeting, caught between thinking of some plan to get through Hell unnoticed and hugging Perry right then and there.

Perry just hoped his face didn't look too red.

* * *

"I don't _care_ if the interns were bugging you or not, Bobbo."

"You'd do well to start!"

"And why is that?" Perry barked at the retired hunter. Dr. Kelso had been on his ass all morning. It seemed the redhead had been wrong to assume their sudden departure the day before would go unaddressed.

"Because _you_ and the others left, leaving all the work to the _idiotic_ interns who found it _so_ necessary to come to _me_ with their stupid questions instead of _you_, the person they normally torture!" The elderly man snarled, his eyes like gray-blue fire as he glared angrily at the other man.

Scoffing, Perry retorted, "Whatever. They're not bugging you _now_, are they?" Without waiting for a response, he continued, "No, they're _nawt_. So why don't you skip along, Bobcat, I got something to do." He turned expertly on his heel and stalked away, ignoring Kelso's shouts behind him.

_Where the hell is Jumpsuit?_ Nobody had seen the Janitor all morning, which was just so-_ho_ convenient considering the little situation they had yesterday. _Sonuvabitch._

Perry's mental berating of the "maintenance man's" _fan-fucking-tascular_ timing was cut off as he tripped, falling forwards flat on his face on the hard floor. A sharp pain shot through his head and he let out a startled puff of breath.

"So Angry Doctor, Dude-Intern told me you wanted to see me or you'd kill him."

_Sonuvabitch janitor!_

* * *

**A/N:** That's certainly what the Janitor would do xD And yes, peoples, the Janitor's real name _is_ Glenn Matthews. Some people don't know that, sadly. Well, now ya do. Hopefully this chapter was at least _somewhat_ humorous; my comedy muse has been dying lately… Review?


	9. CH9: A Janitor's Intuition

"So…" the Janitor said slowly, accompanied with a long blink, "…you want me to help you get through Hell and out untouched?" His electric blue eyes looked stunned and slightly wide.

Perry let out a groan as if he was in pain, which in a way, he was. His headache was being slaughtered by Jumpsuit's denseness. He pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the throbbing in his head, though as a doctor, he knew better than to think it would work. Old habits died hard, however. "_Yes_, for God's sake, yes! Do I have to spell it out for you, Lurch?!" His voice raised an octave and the Janitor shifted slightly in reaction to it. "This is like, what, the fifteenth time I've told you?"

"I understood you the first time." the Janitor told him almost casually, leaning on his mophandle. They were standing on the hospital roof, where they could talk uninterrupted.

"Then why the hell--"

"I was just wondering how someone could be so _stupid_ as to even _consider_ trying to save the Others. They're doomed. This is Lucifer we're talking about, not some damn lower-class devil!" the Janitor was practically yelling by the end, and for a second Perry couldn't find anything to say.

"We have to _try_." There was an almost untraceable note of desperation in the redhead's voice that the Janitor almost missed. Said maintenance man hesitated and arched an eyebrow at this before continuing.

"And why is that? Why do you have to save them?" the Janitor was really getting into this now. He could tell there was more to Angry Doctor's persistence to go on than just pure stubbornness. "What-- do you feel _obligated_ to, somehow?"

Perry raised his chin, glaring with his signature _crazy-eyes_, "It's my and the others' destinies, in case you weren't listening." He decided to ignore how insane that sounded, coming from him, a man who had previously never believed in someone's life being planned out. He didn't like where this was heading, he could feel it. He had to steer Lurch off course and get him to say yes already.

The Janitor shrugged, crossing his arms on top of the mophandle and resting his own chin on them, "People don't go through with their destinies all the time." He grinned a little, "There's more, isn't there?"

"That's it." Perry's voice gained an edge to it.

"Sure, sure. Seriously, do you have a _thing_ for this JD guy or something--"

"_Jumpsuit._ Shut **the fuck** up."

The Janitor shut the fuck up.

* * *

"JD?"

Said demon looked up. "Oh, hey Elliot." He smiled friendly at her. "How's it goin' so far? With, you know."

The blonde huntress shrugged, and her smile was forced, "I'm fine, for the most part. Turk's still a little messed up, but Carla's taking good care of him." She sat down beside him on the couch. They were still in Turk and Carla's apartment. Said couple had disappeared into their bedroom with Elliot, who had just come out to escort Keith to the door.

"And Keith?" JD tried to sound nonchalant, but he couldn't help but feel a bit of distaste for the pretty-boy intern. He knew it was irrational, but still.

"He's… scarred for life, thanks to Dr. Cox."

JD laughed and Elliot's smile became genuine. She couldn't quite tell what it was, but every time the Irishman's name was mentioned around JD it just seemed to lift his spirits immediately. There was something between them that she couldn't quite name. She'd never seen Dr. Cox smile so much-- even if he hid it well.

* * *

"Baby, what if we have to do a sacrifice after all?"

Carla almost groaned, "We _won't_, Turk."

"How do you know?!"

She gave him a slight glare: _Don't push it, hun_ it said. "Because I have faith."

Turk's dark eyes were showing emotions he swore they would never show, "What if-- Carla-- _the baby_?" He looked frantic with worry and dread. "I can't let you go down there, not while you're _pregnant_."

Carla's glare softened, "Turk, honey, I'll be fine. I've been doing this for years."

"You haven't been _pregnant_ for years."

Carla sighed, "Turk--"

"Carla, no. This is our _baby_ we're talking about. And just when were you planning on telling anyone besides me?" There was a hint of accusation in the bald man's voice at the last part.

"Soon, baby." Carla soothed, rubbing his shoulder, "_After_ we get back from Hell-- all of us. Alive."

* * *

**A/N:** HOO MAMA. Review?


	10. CH10: Questions in the Air

_Should I tell them why he's really after me…? They'd find me disgusting. They'd abandon me, and leave me out there like a sitting duck for __**him**__ to come and get me…_

* * *

_Should I tell them that I'm pregnant? Will they even let me go? Maybe Turk is right; maybe I really shouldn't go…_

* * *

"So many questions." the Janitor breathed, his electric blue stare shifting to the sky, "As a shifter, I can sense these kinds of things… there is uncertainty, fear and questions in the air. I can feel them."

"No _shit_ Josephine." Perry bit out, "Is it a _yes_ or a _no_? _Will you help us_?"

There was a silence.

"Yes. I will." There was a finality in the Janitor's voice that was almost unnerving. He felt it too, the tug of destiny… even if it did sound incredibly corny. He was agreeing for personal reasons of his own, as well. He had a score to settle.

The relief in Perry's tone was audible, "It's about damn time!" He paused, then sighed, running a hand through his curly red locks, "Well, then, you should follow me back to the apartment…"

* * *

"JD? Do you want something to drink?" Elliot asked, walking into the Espinosa-Turks' kitchen.

The demon's answer was bland and lifeless, "Yes, please."

Elliot blinked and hesitated to open the refrigerator door. She glanced back at him, frowning. He was facing away from her, fixed on the TV. She realized what he was watching; the news. God, who left it on _that_ channel?

Oh frick, _she_ had. The anchorman's voice blared irritatingly from the screen:

"_It's an epidemic, Jim! No one knows what's causing all these deaths. The religious nutjobs-- er, I mean, the devoted religious people all claim it to be the work of the Devil. No one is taking them seriously. I mean, who would, Jim?"_

A pompous chuckle, _"Certainly not me, Tom! But one thing's for sure, this is no natural epidemic. All of these deaths are someone's fault, and whoever's fault it is must and __**will**__ be put to justice-- there are rumors that the government is seriously considering the death penalty for this person!"_

Elliot winced. "Oh, JD…" _please don't think all this is your fault…_ Against all odds, she hoped he would hear her silent plea, as she could barely form any words except for the ones she had just uttered.

JD was unnaturally silent. Elliot wasn't even sure if he was breathing.

"Bambi, don't believe a word they say!" Elliot jumped. Carla and Turk were standing in the doorway, watching JD with worried expressions. "They don't know what's really going on!"

"Yeah, man. Chillax." Turk added, walking over and sitting down next to JD. "I know it must seem like your fault, but--"

"It _is_ my fault." JD cut him off, still not breaking his unblinking stare at the television screen. It was frightening, the certainty he felt of his words. "I escaped. I triggered all this."

"Bambi, this has been going on since before you even met us--"

"It's still my fault."

"_How_?" There was a spark of anger in Carla's exasperated rasp at being interrupted.

"I had escaped long before I met you guys." JD's eyes no longer held their light. "You just summoned me into the human world. I couldn't go on with the things Lucifer did to-- the things Lucifer made me do." Elliot found it strange that he chose that particular sentence to reword, but didn't comment. "It hurt. It _hurt_."

Carla squeezed his shoulder comfortingly, "What hurt, honey?" her dark eyes were gentle.

JD's answer was hesitant, "When he made me kill innocent people…"

Carla studied him, and Turk gave his friend a weird look for two reasons: one, did JD really think they cared? They knew he was good. And two: there was something odd about the way he was acting. Something different… something Carla had only seen in one particular kind of patient at Sacred Heart. "Bambi, you're not telling us something."

"I'm telling you the truth."

Carla squeezed his shoulder a little harder, "There's more, I know it." She remembered just a few days before, giving her opinion to a doctor about a young girl, only sixteen-years-old. _Doctor, this girl is showing obvious signs of rape…_

"Oh, who are you to talk?!" JD blurted, a note of possible hysterics in his loud outburst, "You're not telling us everything either! I've kept quiet, but I'm a _demon_, damn it! A filthy, stupid, tainted _demon_…!" He shuddered, especially at the word _tainted_, "I-I know when someone is _pregnant_!"

Elliot squawked, "_What_?! C-Carla, you can't go when you're pre--"

Two loud knocks sounded at the door. "That must be Cox." Turk said breathlessly, anxious to get away from the chaos in his living room for a few seconds as he made his way to the door.

The hair on JD's neck stood on end, "Wait! Don't open the--!"

It was too late. Turk swung it open and froze. It wasn't Cox. It wasn't the Janitor either. A feeling of pure malevolence entered all their senses.

A voice, dark and smooth, drawled, "It seems I finally found you, Jonathon…"

JD's blood ran cold.

* * *

**A/N:** JESUS CHRIST ON A CRUTCH, **Mysteria**, **Lindseypaw**, and **Girlprincess1**! Thank you all _so much_ for the reviews! May I ask for more? xD I realize this chapter was kind of short, but I felt I had to update, and hopefully it was interesting enough for you all to not give up on me.


	11. CH11: In the Butt

"What, you're not going to greet me, Jonathon? How disrespectful." The newcomer's voice was laced with a smugness that filled everyone in the room with a profound disgust.

"You don't deserve my respect, _Lucifer_." JD said darkly. Elliot flinched at the name while Carla and Turk stilled. "Not after what you did."

Lucifer's smirk was something to make violent shivers go down your spine, "I've done a lot of things to you, Jonathon. Which one do you mean?" The King of Hell's blue-gray eyes glittered with selfish amusement.

"_All of them_."

Lucifer gave a mock-serious nod, "I see."

"Excuse me," Elliot's meek squeak entered their ears, "but are you telling me that _the Devil_ is right on the doorstep _like some fricking milkman_?!"

JD shook his head, "He's not actually here. This is just an apparition." His gaze didn't stray from Lucifer for a second.

Obviously not quite sane at the moment, Elliot rolled her eyes, "And that's _so_ much better."

Thankfully, Lucifer decided to ignore her comment and go straight to business. "You must be wondering why I'm here." His silver hair shone though there was no light to create highlights. One of the many-- more than most people would expect-- perks of being supernatural.

"No really?" JD hissed sarcastically. His body was rigid and tense.

Lucifer's lips twitched, "I'm going to ignore that, considering how unsuccessful I've been the past few thousand years to get you to shut your _fucking_ mouth." Aggravation radiated from him at JD's smart-assed retorts. Turk could only stare. He'd never seen JD so… _angry_. Not since the fight at the cathedral. It was certainly a sight to see.

Carla glanced at Elliot, who didn't look back, silently praying to a God she still wasn't quite sure existed that maybe they would formulate some plan without even speaking out loud to each other, like in the movies. She was aware of how unrealistic that sounded, but was too desperate to care.

"Well, that doesn't surprise me." JD hissed again, his eyes beginning to get that particular glow about them like the last time, "You've always failed at life in general."

"_What_?" Lucifer growled through bared, grit teeth. Elliot winced when she saw his canines were even more pointed than JD's.

"What?" JD mocked. "In the butt?"

Pure, red-hot rage at these words spilled from Lucifer and over them, and even Turk shrunk back slightly in reaction to it. Air from an unknown source began to blow Lucifer's silver ponytail (_What self-respecting man-- __**demon**__ wears their hair in a ponytail anymore, anyway?!_ JD thought balefully) around wildly, his gray-blue eyes shifting to blood-red in a heartbeat. "This time, boy," he rasped, "I will make you _respect_ me."

"_Make_. _Me_." Any other time, Turk would have said that people who articulated their words so clearly were badass, but he felt too fearful for JD to try. He wished he had his gun, but it was hidden way in his bedroom. If he had it with him, you could be damn sure he'd have blown Lucifer all the way back to Hell already--

Lucifer, or at least his apparition, lunged. JD hesitated for half a second, and moved forward as well, only to lurch back.

A huge blast sent Lucifer stumbling. It wasn't a gun, it was a bright yellow light; one that made the Demon King grimace in pain and fall to his knees.

A wide, relieved smile slowly spread over JD's face. "_Laverne_!" He called as figures appeared in the doorway. "Dr. Cox! …Glenn?"

The Janitor raised something looking like a combination of a knife and a wrench warningly, "It's 'The Janitor.' You'd do well to remember that."

Perry snorted and rolled his eyes. JD raised a slender black eyebrow. "Okay…"

"Laverne!" Carla exclaimed, bouncing up to the angel, "What are you doing here?" Even if they'd only met once before, Carla had still taken to the woman instantly. It's like they were great friends in an alternate universe or something…

"Heard you needed help, Sweetie." Laverne answered with a warm, knowing smile.

"Didn't know _what_ the hell was going on 'til Laverne told us." Perry grunted, moving to stand beside JD, discreetly-but-not-so-discreetly checking to see if he was alright.

Turk pointed to Lucifer still on the ground, clutching his sides in pain, "What about him?"

Laverne smirked, "He's not getting up anytime soon, Honeycakes. In fact, this apparition should be dematerializing any second now…" Expectantly, she trained her dark gaze on the silver-haired Demon King.

As if one cue, Lucifer's form began to fade away, until it was nothing. There was no trace of his scent left that even Perry could find. JD let out a loud sigh of immense relief. He'd never been happier to see an angel in his entire life… afterlife… what-the-hell-ever.

"What did you _do_?" Elliot squeaked again and Perry glowered at her, making her draw back slightly. He hated her voice when it went all banshee and everyone knew it; as he made sure to make it _per-fe-hectly_ clear at least once while in her presence.

"Oh, nothing," Laverne said slyly, "just used a bit of heavenly power to blow his ass away."

JD let out an uncharacteristic snort, one that reminded them all surprisingly of Perry, "_That_ much is obvious, 'Verne."

Laverne's brows shot up into her hairline, "A nickname already, Q-Tip?" She inquired.

"Well duh, _you_ gave _me_ one."

"True."

"Can we get on with this already?" The Janitor asked impatiently, tapping the ground with his booted foot.

JD looked at him and studied him curiously for the first time, "So you actually got Gle-- _the Janitor_ to join us, huh?" He asked Perry softly.

Perry huffed, "I said I would, didn't I?" the usual scathing tone to his voice was lacking.

JD turned his head and gave the redhead a dazzling white smile that made Perry's breath hitch, "Yeah. Yeah you did. Thank you." It was the most sincere thanks Perry ever remembered being given…

"Guys?" Carla interrupted their _moment_ smugly, "We're kinda in the middle of something here. You know, unless you guys want to have a _snogging_ fest right in front of us. I mean, really, it's written all over your faces."

JD spluttered unintelligently, flushing deeply and Perry yelped, "_Carla_! What the _heeeeell_ kind of crap goes _on_ in your disturbed mind?!" The Irishman did his best to ignore his pinking ears.

"Only what's going through yours." Carla retorted and Elliot snorted with laughter. Turk was in the midst of covering his ears with his hands and going, "_Lalalalalala_, **NOT HEARING THIS**." The Janitor was watching Elliot laugh interestedly with an odd expression.

Now it was Perry's turn to sputter.

* * *

**A/N:** Hopefully that was good enough for a comic relief at the end… xD Review?


	12. CH12: Why a Twig?

"Carla, you're _nawt_ going!" Perry exclaimed. "You're pregnant! There's just no way!"

Elliot _may_ have let that little tidbit of information slip just a few seconds ago.

Carla gave him a slight glare, "But you _need_ me there!" she insisted.

Perry sighed and crossed his arms behind his head, in that way he always did when things went wrong, "We _want_ you there," he told her softly, "but we don't _need_ you there. Barbie knows just as much as you do." His eyes were pleading. "Carla, _please_. Do you _want_ your baby to die?"

Carla winced. "N-no. Of course not. All right, I-I won't go." She gave in finally. Turk hugged her tightly, mumbling his thanks into her neck.

Perry felt pity for the Dominican nurse. He'd never seen her so torn.

"We'll be fine, Carla," JD comforted, edging closer to her, "I promise. I can handle pretty much everything they can throw at me." _Maybe even Lucifer, if I have the Others with me._ He glanced at Perry who was watching him. Elliot patted Carla's shoulder in an awkward attempt to make her feel better.

Carla nodded slowly.

The Janitor's voice entered their ears, "So… about getting to Hell…"

All eyes landed on him.

Laverne made a _hmm_ sound, sensing her cue. "If that's it for today, huns, I think I should go. But I _will_ come back, whenever you need me." There was a small flash of white light, and she was gone. _To Heaven?_ JD wondered. He doubted if he'd ever know.

"Whadaya have in mind?" Perry asked gruffly, this time crossing his arms over his chest and flicking his nose.

The Janitor grinned, "Oh, I know a few tricks." He glanced at Carla. "Scary Nurse over here can even help get you there, too."

* * *

"This is insane is ya ask me." Perry growled.

Carla elbowed him sharply in the ribs. "A lot of ceremonies sound insane, Dr. Cox." She said sternly.

"Well, _duh_." Perry retorted, then hissed in pain as he was elbowed again, this time harder than before.

"No, no, Blonde Doctor," the Janitor said to Elliot almost gently, "you put it like _this_." He took the palm-tree branch and jammed the leafless end of it securely into the ground. By it were several others, all meeting at their tips like some kind of primitive teepee. It was made in such a way that two people could stand underneath it without much difficulty.

They were in a grassy field, out of town and actually not all that far away from the cathedral where all of this had started. At least two miles away, JD observed, surveying the trees that surrounded the field. He guessed it was probably no coincidence. Where did the Janitor _get_ palm-tree branches in the middle of a _forest_ anyway? It didn't make sense.

And as JD watched the Janitor work, throwing odd-smelling powder on the branches as if in some kind of trance (the powder itself coming from some kind of secret compartment in his janitor cart, which he had _insisted_ on bringing along to the middle of a freaking forest…), he also guessed that the Janitor himself didn't make much sense, either.

As the Janitor tried to open another… _thing_ on his cart, he called out, "It's jammed!"

"Maybe a twig got stuck in there?" JD offered, trying to be helpful. He wasn't about to admit he had messed with the cart when the Janitor wasn't looking.

There was a pause and time seemed to slow down for half a second. Slowly, the Janitor turned his head to glare intensely at JD, "Why a _twig_?"

"N-no reason!"

Perry cleared his throat. "What's the problem?" He demanded, giving the uniform-clad man his best warning glare, which the Janitor had to admit was a pretty good glare.

The Janitor looked at Perry contemplatively. Hmm. Not now, not when Angry Doctor was sure to kick his ass for messing with Scooter… _Scooter_? Where had that come from? Oh well, it sounded good. "Nothing. It's all good." He assured the Irishman.

Perry nodded, his eyes disbelieving.

"Well, since I can't get the stuff I need," the Janitor gave JD a pointed look, said demon blushing a little in embarrassment, "we're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way."

"And that would be?" Turk asked.

"Well, first of all," the Janitor made a gesture between Perry and JD, "you two c'mere and stand underneath the branches."

Perry did as he asked, but JD hesitated a little, before following the bigger man, stopping beside him and looking up curiously at the bright green palm-tree leaves.

"Face each other."

JD and Perry turned face-to-face; or at least black hair to nose, since now it was quite obvious just how shorter the youthful demon was compared to the redheaded human. "Now what?" Perry barked. JD blushed again as he felt the doctor/hunter's breath blow into his hair.

The Janitor paused for dramatic effect. "Now kiss."

Turk choked on his own spit from his spot beside Carla, who, like Elliot, looked stunned.

"_**WHAT**_?!" JD and Perry screeched (except for Perry. He'd die before he admitted that his voice could reach such a level) at once, leaping away from each other. Both of their faces were flaming red.

The Janitor shrugged, "What? I told you we'd do it the old-fashioned way."

"But we're both _guys_!" JD yelled, flailing his arms around wildly. Perry couldn't help but find it amusing, underneath all the… well, freaking out.

The Janitor raised an eyebrow, "So what? I mean, Heaven wouldn't be Heaven if they were judgmental, now would they? I mean, you're a demon, I thought you'd know that?"

JD's blush got even deeper as he realized the Janitor was right.

"But what the hell does a _kiss_ have to do with _anything_?" Perry found it difficult to keep the stutter out of his voice.

"This particular way of getting to Hell was created by angels, so of course it has something to do with true love's first kiss." The Janitor explained nonchalantly. "There was another way to do it, but I can't do it now that my cart's jammed."

"I _beg_ your _pardon_?" Perry's wide were wide. JD looked frozen to the spot, his pale-skinned face a bright crimson. "What the _hell_ do you mean, 'true love's first kiss'?!"

This was either the best thing that had ever happened to Perry, or it was the worst. He was shocked to find that he couldn't decide which it was-- even if it did seem to lean towards _best_. He looked at JD, whose expression was baffled, and swallowed a little. Now or never, he supposed. This was either the stupidest or wisest decision he'd ever made... maybe the _dumbest_, because he didn't seem to realize how impulsive his thinking was right now.

"What does it sound like? Which part is hard to understand, _true_ or _love_-- hey! Wait! Don't kiss _now_--!"

But it was too late, as Perry grabbed JD's chin and captured his lips with his own.

* * *

**A/N:** One hell of a cliffhanger, I know, but I felt it was a good spot to leave it at, and keep you on your toes. I promise I'll update as soon as possible! And you guys were asking for a kiss, so... yeah! xD Review, please?


	13. CH13: If You Hadn't Kissed Me!

"This is all your fault!" JD shouted, throwing his arms up. "If you hadn't kissed me--!"

"Shut your damn mouth, Bethany, you know you loved it." Perry interrupted with a snarl.

JD flushed. "Even so, we're still stuck in the Gateway 'cuz of you!" He insisted.

"We're fine." Perry huffed, looking around himself, but saw only darkness. He saw no ground beneath him, and no sky, and yet there they were, standing in blackness. He jumped when JD put a hand on his shoulder.

"Your bravery never ceases to amaze me." The demon commented dryly.

"Your sarcasm cuts at my soul." Perry hissed with a glare. "So, we're in the Gateway to Hell?"

"Pretty much."

"…And we're safe here?"

JD inquired with a raised brow, "What happened to 'We're fine'?"

"You know what the fuck I mean Cindy." The Irishman snapped.

JD paused, thinking. "Not exactly. We could get Pulled."

"I beg your pardon?" Perry hissed again.

"'Pulled.' We could get pulled into Hell while in the Gateway-- you may know it as being Dragged into Hell, I guess. And we can't get out of here ourselves, we need to be saved." JD explained, glancing around him as well, as if expecting some supernatural force to reach out and drag them away as soon as the words left his mouth.

Perry furrowed his brows, "What, like that damn movie, _Drag Me to Hell_?"

"Kinda-sorta. Except you don't have three days to live-- usually they torture you for longer than that."

Perry winced, "I see."

JD tried to smile, but it looked awkward, "Hey, like you said, 'we're fine.'"

Perry didn't reply.

* * *

"GOD_DAMMIT_!" Elliot flinched at the volume of the Janitor's voice.

"Y'see? That's why I hate lovebirds. They always kiss at the wrong times." The uniform-clad man growled out in a rush. "Now we gotta save their asses from the Gateway before someone-- some_thing_ else finds 'em."

Turk, still struck stupid by the unexpected kiss, stammered, "W-what do we do?"

The Janitor tossed him a large cloth with odd symbols on it, "Take that and lay it down on a mound of dirt." He instructed.

Carla wasn't kidding when she said that most ceremonies sounded insane.

* * *

Water droplets splashing onto the cold stone floor created eerie echoing sounds around the chamber. It was dark, and in the shadows three figures could be seen near each other. They were as silent as corpses, but they were still alive. Barely.

One, with black hair, suddenly shifted. Then, slowly, he raised his head, his bright blue eyes shining in the darkness.

Another-- a woman-- spoke without moving her body, "What?" Her voice was quiet and soft, which was unusual for her, the black-haired man noted. But he knew she had good reason to be so out of the norm. Her short, shoulder-length brown hair was messy and had lost it's sheen. He remembered the days when she would routinely glare at him, her brother, and his own brother with annoyed chocolate-brown eyes.

The third one, a man, shifted as well, looking at them both. His hair was brown like the woman's, but darker, and his eyes were a soft blue. They would always light up whenever he took a photo; his favorite hobby. The camera he would always use had long been destroyed since their capture.

The silence as the black-haired demon tried to decide what to say, as he wasn't too sure of why he had moved as well. Then he felt it: a wave of powerful, icy aura. There was no mistaking it now.

He grinned. "Johnny's comin' for us, just like I said."

That caught the woman's attention. Her head shot up to stare at him. "DJ?" She murmured.

"You sure you're not just going crazy, Danny-boy?" The other man weakly attempted at some humor, but it didn't quite work.

Dan's grin grew wider, encouraged by the show of spirit in his partner, which he had been sure was lost. "I'm pretty darn certain, Ben." He looked at the woman, "Jordan, you felt it too, didn't you?"

There was a loud rumbling sound and the chamber shook.

"Yes, I did," Jordan answered, raising her eyes to the chamber ceiling, "and I think Lucifer did too."

* * *

**A/N:** That was shorter than usual, I realize, but I felt I had to update. Review, please? This has to be my favorite chapter so far x3


	14. CH14: WELL, It's Waffle Time!

"_WELL_, IT'S WAFFLE TIME, IT'S WAFFLE TIME, WON'T YOU LIKE SOME WAFFLES OF-!"

_**SMACK!**_

"Ow!" JD cried, shielding his head for fear of another smack.

"Shut your damn mouth." Perry growled tetchily. "I hate that song."

JD whined, "But I love it!" His bright blue eyes shone with childlike tears.

Perry hesitated for half a second. "Don't care." Came the reply that gave nothing away.

JD pouted.

Perry bit his lip. _Dammit kid. Do you want to get molested in the Gateway to freaking Hell?_ The sides of his mouth twitched.

As the puckered lip didn't disappear, Perry guessed Newbie did.

But, as if on cue, a light seemed to burst out of nowhere, illuminating them and brightening the darkness around them to a dark gray. JD jumped at least ten feet in the air and Perry shadowed his eyes with an arm to keep from going blind.

And just like that, they were out.

* * *

"What in the _hell_-"

"Jumpsuit, do you really think it's a good idea to use that phrase after _that_?"

"-where you _thinking_? I realize you guys got the hots for each other 'n all but Goddammit could you _be_ any dumber?" The Janitor bellowed. JD blushed at the uniform-clad man's choice of words. "Never in my years as a Shifter have I seen such carelessness. Do _I_ fool around when I'm stuffing another addition to my Squirrel Army? No! This is serious business here!"

Perry didn't even want to ask. He snorted, "Whatever. Nothing happened, what're you yellin' about?"

The Janitor hissed, "Something _could_ have happened!"

"But nothing _did_!" Perry snarled back, not about to take back that kiss.

JD watched the two bicker back and forth, uneasy. He knew exactly how to handle the Others when they got to shouting at each other- a good smack on the head usually did the trick (much like how Perry had dealt with him earlier), with Ben and Dan anyway- but he hadn't known these two for over a thousand years. He was clueless.

"Guys, _guys_!" Carla said loudly, coming in between the two, "Stop with this! Everything's fine now, let it go!"

The two men paused, glaring at each other, before huffing and stalking off in different directions.

It was not pure coincidence that Perry went straight to JD and the Janitor to Elliot.

Carla let out a sigh and leaned against Turk's shoulder. At this rate, they were never going to get anything done if the two people in charge were arguing.

* * *

Jordan let out a sigh of relief. "He's gone. Lucifer won't go to him now. Not with all the others with him."

Ben's tightened muscles relaxed.

Dan nodded. "Especially since one of those is Johnny's- y'know- Destined One." He said confidently.

Ben rolled his eyes with a small grin, "Do you have to make it sound so damn corny, Danny?"

Dan grinned back, "Why of course, Benjamin."

Jordan smacked both of them over the head. "Quiet, morons. This is serious." She snapped, instantly back to being the Queen of Mean again. Her previous relief still showed on her face, however.

"You sound like that duckling from _the Wonder Pets_." Dan snickered. Luckily for he and Ben, one of the prison guards was much kinder than the others, and let the two know what was new in the outside world of Earth whenever they asked. When they were alone, of course. If Lucifer ever discovered her hidden heart he would have her killed for certain.

She was also a former human, after all. She knew how they felt.

"The- you know what? Screw it, I don't want to know." Jordan quipped, crossing her arms over her chest, looking more than a little annoyed. "How you two haven't driven me to madness so far is beyond me."

"As if anyone could truly drain you of your sanity, Jordan." A female voice called cheerily from the stairs just outside the bars of the chamber.

Dan's head shot up and his grin grew wider. "Molly!"The shape of a feminine figure appeared at the bottom step and a shadowed hand reached out to light one of the candles on the wall. Once lit, the entire chamber brightened and there stood the blonde Molly Clock, demoness and former human.

She gave one of her best happy smiles (which Jordan called creepy as hell) and entwined her dainty little fingers together. "Your brother's all right now, Dan, don't you worry!" Jordan winced at the blonde's squeaky voice, but little did she know that there was another blonde on Earth that could easily outmatch Molly's high-pitched tones.

"I know." Dan replied, "I felt it. His aura just vanished."

Molly nodded vigorously in agreement. "I still can't believe how powerful you all are; his power could be felt all throughout Hell!" Molly had the tendency to speak with a better vocabulary than most demons. Dan guessed it had something do with the fact that she had been transformed during the eighteen-hundreds. Or sometime around then. _I think... _Thinking that, Dan also realized she was way, way younger than all three- no, four, counting Johnny- of them.

It had been so long that he couldn't quite remember what time period they had been transformed in. But he could still remember his now-deceased family quite vividly. Their mother had been rather vain, needy and just a bit whiny. Their father had been... well... not around very often. Not often enough to really figure him out, anyway.

"Say, Molly," Ben said perhaps a little too nonchalantly, "have you thought over my offer yet?"

Molly's smile didn't waver, "Yes. My answer is still no, I will not go to that 'awesome centuries-old bar' with you when you get out." She answered with nothing but merry cheer.

Jordan had to cover a hand with her mouth to keep from laughing from the look on her brother's face.

Ben pouted dejectedly. It didn't seem to have the same effect as JD's pout had that same day.

"_Ouch_." Dan managed to squeeze out between wheezing laughs.

"So," Jordan began once she had regained herself. Beside her, Dan was still letting out raspy guffaws. She ignored him, just barely. "At this rate, we'll be out soon."

"Yes," Molly agreed with another happy nod, "and hopefully I'll go with you."

"'Course you will, Molly!" Ben exclaimed, a bit overdramatically, "As if I'd- _we'd_ go anywhere without you!"

Molly's grin turned a little awkward. " Okay, Benjamin. Whatever you say."

Jordan rolled her eyes with a smirk, because Jordan Sullivan did not smile. For the life of her, she couldn't understand why her brother had this odd infatuation for the blonde rainbow-vomiting demoness. Dan had it too, but not as intense... if his irritating laughter was of any evidence.

Dan was rolling on the floor by now, "My s-s-spleen!" He choked out.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey, guys! I'm so sorry that I've been taking so long to update. Life's been, well, life's been a bitch lately. School, homework, birthdays, fundraisers, visits; it's just been really busy. From now on, I think it would be safe to say to expect an update pretty much every weekend unless I actually find some free time during the week- which would be a miracle. Review?


	15. CH15: Oh My Jeebus

JD didn't want to die. He was a _demon_, he _couldn't_ die. Not unless another demon killed him.

"Get back here Scooter!"

But apparently the Janitor wanted him dead nevertheless.

Skidding to a halt and superspeeding down a hallway of Sacred Heart, JD dove into a closet that had been left a crack open, using a bit of telekinesis to slam the door shut, and lock it.

He held his breath as the Janitor ran straight past his door and down the next hallway a few moments after his discovery of sanctuary. He waited a few seconds before whining to himself, "Why does he hate me?" He didn't seem to notice that he was pouting as well.

He was still plenty shaken by the kiss the day before, and he hadn't seen Dr. Cox (or was it Perry now?) all day. He wasn't sure he wanted to, as he would probably freeze up and faint from all the blood that would rush to his face. And other areas. But let's not get into that just yet.

He peeked outside.

And was met with Elliot's bright smiling face. He jumped. How she always managed to ruin the moments was lost to him.

_Elliot Reid: Moment Killer._ His imaginative mind whispered.

"Hi JD!" The blonde chirped. Her face was a bright pink. "OhmygodIcan'tbelieveyou_kissed_."

JD blinked. "What?" He couldn't keep up with her Connecticutian-blabber.

"SQUEEitwassogonnahappen..." She continued on as if he had never said anything.

Shaking his head, he snuck away from her by dissolving into the shadows. She squawked indignantly once she realized this but he was already gone.

Why he hadn't thought of shadowmorphing while the Janitor was running after him with his accursed mop in hand he didn't know. Another 'Johnny-Moment,' as Dan called it, he supposed.

When he slunk next to the Nurses' Station, no one noticed. After all, "Its nothing but a creepily-shaped shadow, Carla Espinosa-Turk; whatever you do, do _not_ let it scare you." He heard Carla mumble to herself.

JD grinned. He could have fun with this. Pranking was in his nature as a demon, after all. Demonism came with a few perks, much as he didn't like to admit.

He shaped himself so that he was looming over the Dominican woman eerily.

She didn't notice.

At least, not until she saw Laverne's wide-eyed stare and turned around.

She jerked backwards, backing into the desk, and screeched, "HOLY SHI--!"

"_AH_-_HA_!" JD lurched back in surprise as a mop came flying at him from his left. "Found you, Scooter!"

_Shit. The Janitor._ JD cursed silently and slipped away underneath the nearest door, which happened to be a patient's room.

He heard the Janitor's frustrated growl, and if shadows could smile in relief, he would.

But his expression would have quickly changed to one of horror as he realized just who he was sharing the room with.

"So, Ms. Birdin, you say you've been experiencing stomach pains?" Dr. Cox's voice rumbled through the room and JD slid underneath the patient's-- Nina Birdin-- bed. He prayed to a God that he knew damn well existed that the redhead had not noticed him; and if he had, had brushed it off as just some weird shadow.

"Yes." The soft-spoken woman answered, as if she had no clue what was wrong with her. The demon was not fooled. He had heard the nurses talking about her, and none had sounded too fond. She was a drug addict. She was probably here just for drugs to get high.

"Hmm." By Dr. Cox's tone, JD knew the man was not so oblivious to fall for it either. Elliot probably would have, but that was Elliot. Perry Cox was a world-weary man and had good reason to be-- he was not an easy man to fool at all. The demon knew that came in handy during hunting. "You've been throwing up a lot, having stomach cramps, food cravings, and have been gaining a lot of weight quickly."

If JD could, he would facepalm. He was no doctor (though he had wanted to be, once) and even he could tell just what exactly was going on. It was way too obvious.

"Yes." She answered again, this time truly not understanding.

_Oh my jeebus…_ JD thought, wanting to groan.

"Oh my GOD, woman," Dr. Cox spat, finally losing his patience with the stupidity of this woman, "You're _pregnant_. Need I spell it for you? P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. Four months in. _Congratulations_," he added in a scathingly sarcastic tone, "it's a crackbaby. What a wonderful life the poor sucker's gonna have, you stupid bitch."

He ended the last part in a snarl and stalked out of the room, and JD was quick to follow. The demon wanted to cheer for the doctor-hunter. If that didn't wake up the druggie to reality, nothing would.

Trailing after the bigger man, JD did his best to remain unseen. Which was pretty damn good, since he'd been doing this for over a thousand-freaking-years…

"You can come out now, Newbie, I know you're there."

…Damn it! How did he always know?!

Pouting, (and once again not realizing it) JD emerged in front of the hunter-doctor and shoved his hands in his pockets, refusing to meet the other man's eyes. His face was flushed.

Perry crossed his arms over his chest. "Mind telling me why you've been avoiding me all day, Priscilla?"

"I haven't been avoiding you, you've been avoiding _me_!" The demon fibbed.

Perry didn't buy it. "Is this about the kiss? 'Cause I damn sure don't regret it and I'd say the same for you."

"I-I-I…" The black-haired demon sounded _so_ intelligent right now.

Noseflick. "_Spit it out_."

"If he finds out what you are to me he'll kill you…" JD said finally, his voice small and quiet.

Perry furrowed his brows together in confusion. "If _who_ finds out?"

"L-Lucifer…"

At the very mention of the name the Irishman bared his teeth, "Why should he care?!"

"He'd use you to get to me, P-Perry." A leap of faith. JD wasn't quite sure if he should go on a first-name basis.

The redhead didn't seem to notice, and if he did, he was fine with it. JD hoped it was the 's angry expression softened. "Well, yeah, there's always that isn't it." He cursed, resisting the childish urge to stomp his foot like a five-year-old.

JD didn't respond.

Perry looked up from the floor which he had been studying, looked at something above the demon's head, and his eyes widened. He latched his vice-like grip onto JD's shoulders and threw him out of the way of an incoming projectile, leaving him in the line of fire in the demon's place.

Dr. Cox was hit face-first with a dirty, wet mop.

The Janitor snarled out a string of colorful curses. "Every _time_!"

The mop fell to the floor with a clatter and Perry blinked the soapwater out of his eyes, looking like all Hell would break loose.

…There was a chance it might.

JD watched the scene with wide eyes.

Oh shit.

"_Jumpsuit_…" Perry growled, his voice lowering a few decibels. His eyes flashed dangerously.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys! Sorry that it's taking me so long to update… life's been busy, as I said in the last chapter. I hope you haven't lost interest and will still review!


	16. CH16: To Let Him Go

"Showdown Five!" A sudden shout made JD jump.

Then he groaned. The Todd. Of course. The idiot, hyper-sexual surgeon always showed up at the damnedest of times.

Frowning in a pissed-off fashion, Perry growled at the newcomer, "Whadaya want dumbass?"

Todd looked like he was about to say something-- something he had _planned_ no doubt-- when he caught sight of JD. He grinned lecherously. "I'd like to smack _dat ass_."

Dr. Cox's jaw set and his eyes narrowed. If looks could kill, JD thought while flinching away from Todd's outstretched hand.

The Janitor, sensing his cue, fled like a bat outta hell. But not without an, "I'm watching you, Scooter."

The day just would never be complete anymore without one of those, JD realized. A demon's intuition was extremely acute when it came to certain things.

Todd took a step toward the black-haired demon and Perry bared his teeth.

"_Hands_. **Off**."

…JD never really expected the most terrifying growl he had ever heard in his entire life would come from a human.

Todd froze, threw one last cheesy wink at JD, and was off.

Dr. Cox roared after him.

JD just knew that the Todd would be trouble from then on. He didn't want to think about how many heads Dr. Cox would surely rip to pieces. And possibly eat just for the hell of it.

That made him think of Jordan somehow.

Anyway…

It was no secret that the Todd was bisexual. And hyper-sexual. Very, _very_ hyper-sexual. There was no coming-out party, no nothing. Everyone just kind of figured it out on their own.

Carla often called the black-haired demon cute, but it was in a motherly way. And JD knew that there was something special about Dr. Cox; something that made the bigger man actually notice him. He didn't know what it was or why but he knew it existed.

So, he honest-to-God couldn't figure out why the Todd was so interested in him.

…Then again, the Todd was interested in everyone-- in every_thing_, wasn't he?

And what was it just him or did Dr. Cox seem way more touchy about it than he should?

Dan had always liked to say that everyone had their own 'Destined One'-- Dan was a fan of clichés as you can see-- and was sure that they would all find their own eventually somehow, some way. JD never really believed it.

Dr. Cox's attention was once again turned to him and some of the steeliness in his eyes evaporated.

Maybe, JD considered, he should start taking Dan's words a bit more seriously.

The redhead's next words made him smile, "That dumbass didn't disturb you too badly, did he Sandra? I'll rip his balls off if he did." The doctor added as an afterthought, "And I'll feed 'em 'ta Jumpsuit's Squirrel Army, too. Just to make sure. Wait, aren't they all stuffed 'er somethin'? …Shit, I still haven't kicked his ass yet!"

_Maybe._

_Probably._ Said the silence that only JD could hear.

* * *

"Baby, I was being a walrus!"

"I don't care, Turk!" Carla hissed, throwing the straws into the trash angrily. "You need to have a talk with your _Vanilla Bear_, whatever the hell that means."

"Aw, c'mon, baby, whatever JD did, I'm sure he didn't mean any h--" Turk attempted to soothe. It did no good.

"_Damn it_! I told him I was afraid of shadows and then he turns all shadow-y…" Carla muttered, fuming.

They were in the hospital cafeteria.

A cafeteria that was looking at them as if they were insane.

"Um, baby…"

"I know, dammit, I know."

* * *

Frickin' black-haired demon. Frickin' blue eyes that shone too brightly. Frickin' too-pale white skin that seemed tog give off it's own light…

"Blonde Doctor?"

Elliot turned. "Janitor!" She greeted, smiling. "Hey, I was just looking for someone to talk--"

But the Janitor continued as if she never spoke, "Have you seen Scooter? I must exact my revenge."

Elliot's heart dropped into her stomach. She didn't want to talk about _him_ right now. _Him_, with all his charismatic cuteness and strange ability to turn from innocent to dangerous in a fraction of a second. _Him_, and the way the simple shift of emotions in his eyes could completely morph his expression…

_Him_, and Dr. Cox.

"…No, Janitor. Sorry. I haven't seen him all day." She lied. She had actually seen him only about fifteen minutes before.

She was… happy… for those two, Dr. Cox an JD. Really. She even thought their palpable awkwardness was fun to fantasize about. But sometimes she wished _she_ was on the receiving end of JD's glances, his warm smiles reserved for only one person, that _she_ was the one that just seemed to be the missing piece in his puzzle…

But what good would being jealous do? Frick it all, she was _not_ her mother. She was not a home-wrecker. She didn't break two people up that were obviously in love out of spite.

If she truly held any feelings for JD, she'd let him go. Any infatuation, any crush, any whatever-the-hell, she'd let it go and just be there for him as a friend.

"That's too bad. My squirrels were looking forward to seeing him. I was planning on inviting him to sleep over, too. He could stay in my garage. I offered that once, y'know. He said I'd put jam on his face and let the raccoons in. How silly. As if I'd be that predictable."

You know what? She was going to do just that.

"Janitor, would you like to go out sometime?"

Completely caught off-guard, the Janitor gave her a wide-eyed look, and stuttered, "S-s-sure?"

"Great!"

* * *

The image of Dr. Cox listing all the different ways he could maul Todd to JD slowly faded away on the ("Enchanted!" Dan cried excitedly, to which Jordan smacked him over the head) mirror's surface.

"I told you!" Dan sing-songed.

Jordan quirked a brow, "I knew the kid was mushy but this is just ridiculous." She looked mildly amused still, however.

Molly Clock tucked the mirror away in her clothing pockets. "All happy now?"

Dan grinned up at her, "Why a'course, Molly m'dear." He leered jokingly, "All _endings_ end happy with you."

"Oh _God_," Jordan groaned, disgusted at Dan's perverse choice of words.

Molly tilted her head to the side, not getting it.

"Danny," Ben said a bit disapprovingly, "how much of the little power you have left did you use to get that _Destined One_ shit into JD's head?"

"It's not shit! It's the truth!"

"Then find a better term for it, at least."

"Guys." Jordan warned.

Ben shot his sister a wary look, "…Right. Still, Dan, how much did you use?"

"…Just a teensy bit."

Jordan rolled her eyes, "Which is Dan-speak for too damn much."

"I had to make Johnny consider it!" Dan protested, "If you saw _your_ brother's soulmate standing right in front of him, wouldn't you do whatever you could to push them together?"

"No," Jordan said frankly, "because if they were truly meant to be with each other I'd know that the world would find some way somehow to get them together." Her eyes widened and she quickly added, "Not that I believe in that crap."

"Sure ya don't, Jordaroo, sure ya don't." Ben agreed cheerily.

"I don't, damn you." Was Jordan's stiff reply.

"Sure-sure." Dan grinned.

* * *

**A/N:** W00T! It's winter break for me, guys! I have a lotta free time now, so expect me to update more often! Review?


	17. CH17: Too Much Disney

JD waved his hand and a glass of appletini materialized in it with a flash of light. "Appletini?" He offered, his pearly whites nearly blinding. He was half-crouched over an arm of the lounge couch.

Perry sent him a dry look from his laying position on said couch. "Déjà-vu." He muttered.

The demon tilted his head in confusion. "Eh?"

"This reminds me of the time when he first met, when you offered us appletinis… which I still don't have any idea what they are." The Irishman snorted, but then a look of dawning crossed his face. "What did you mean, when you said 'JD' stood for something I wouldn't like?"

"Oh, that? I was just screwing with you." JD chirped.

Perry's eye twitched. "_What_?"

Not realizing the danger he was in, JD continued, "They're actually my initials, John Dorian."

"Then why did you say--?"

"Humans are just way to fun to mindfuck with. I knew that even _before_ I was demonized." The demon's eyes shone with amusement and for the first time in a while, he was nonplussed by Perry's glare. He always seemed to pull out that hidden wisdom and knowledge at the times it irked the redhead most.

"…Little girly ass."

JD's automatic response? "So's your face!"

"My ass is your face?" Perry's eyebrows rose mockingly. "Now that's just a ra-_heely_ interesting concept right there, Sandra, but I'm afraid your gonna have to make-up a comeback that, y'know, actually makes _sense_."

JD flushed.

* * *

Cats hated Elliot Reid.

"GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT THE FRICK _OOOOFF_!"

Grimacing, the Janitor finally hauled the furred creature off and said quickly, "I'm sorry. I should've never brought you to a petstore for our first date…"

* * *

Molly Clock was petrified right about now.

Her heart-- the very same heart she had struggled and strived to keep and let thrive in this quite literally Godforsaken Hell-- was hammering in her chest, so hard that she was certain it would burst and her position would be given away. Adrenaline pumped through her veins and she fought to keep her labored breathing silent.

Just around the corner stood Lucifer himself. He was discussing something with the most likely butt-ugly demon guards that patrolled the dungeon where Dan, Jordan and Ben were being kept prisoner. Apparently, they were to be switched out with other, lesser demons (They assumed the Ones that were being kept captive were weak enough to be guarded by lesser demons. Molly almost let out an uncharacteristic, bitter snort at this realization. Not the wisest decision on Lucifer's part; underestimating them of all demons.) so that they could join the Invasion.

The Invasion of Earth.

Molly shuddered at the thought. How many lives had been taken already? She abruptly decided she didn't want to know.

It was truly rare for guards to be replaced by others. Ever. They were born to be guards and nothing else. Their entire lives, planned out for them at birth. Molly also hated this about Hell-- and would you believe it, once, during her human days (how she missed those days…) she had thought herself to be incapable of hate. Had believe that there was good in everyone.

Rough on the outside but creamy centers on the inside. Like stale, cream-filled donuts, she had also once compared. Bastards on the outside but saints within.

She had been wrong. Terribly, horribly, terrifyingly wrong.

Footsteps sounded. She stiffened.

The footsteps, the four sets of heavy, clumsy thumps belonging to the guards, accompanied by the lighter, but somehow arrogant ones made by the King of Hell, eventually faded off down the hallway.

She let out a long, shaking breath as she sensed no other presence nearby.

She had to hurry. They would return soon.

* * *

"You're serious?" Dan asked point blank.

"Never been more serious, Daniel." Molly replied.

"You can get us out?"

Jordan quipped, "Are you deaf, dumb, or both?" Honestly. What reason did they have to doubt Molly Clock of all people-- er, demonesses?

Dan couldn't quite seem to get his head around the idea. "You can _get us out_?!"

"_Yes_," Molly hissed urgently. She was being extremely irritable and jumpy, and her eyes were wide with anxiety and fear. "This is the only chance you'll get for… oh, I don't know, _another thousand years_!" She all but screeched the last part.

Ben winced and Dan shrank back. "No need to get touchy…" Dan whimpered.

Never having had the opportunity like this to do it before, Molly used all her power to melt the chains that held back the Three. She'd been preparing for this moment for such a long time… now, here, actually _doing_ it… it was almost surreal. Oh screw it, _everything_ was surreal when it came to Heaven and Hell.

They hissed and leapt away from the heat, and Jordan stumbled a bit, not entirely used to standing again after so long.

Dan stared down at himself. His face was blank.

"Danny?" Ben inquired, looking more than bit worried at his friend's sudden silence-- and a quiet Daniel Dorian was not a good thing as you probably know.

But then Dan's face broke out into a blinding grin, one that looked identical to his younger brother's. "I _told_ you," he declared, "I _told_ you, Three will become Four again!" His voice reverberated in an almost dramatic way across the dimly-lit dungeon.

Even though he considered not saying anything to lessen the impact of the older Dorian's words, Ben couldn't resist, "Been watching too much _Disney_ again, eh, Danny-boy?"

* * *

**A/N:** Now we're gettin' somewhere, my friends! This just seemed to come to me as I wrote. I'm sorry for taking so long to update. The universe seems determined to give me something to do that doesn't involve fanfiction every second. And it's annoying. This is a bit short, I realize, but I felt I had to update before someone assassinated me for not updating. Review, please?


	18. CH18: Familial Relations

"_Run_, _run_, _run_, you can't run any faster, _run_, _run_, _run_, you're dyin' of laughter--!"

"Newbie?" Perry interjected, and JD saw that one vein that always pulsed so visibly when the redhead was none too pleased, "I ra-_heely_ feel that I have to advise you to _shut _the _heeell _up."

And the demon did just that. With an audible _clack_ing sound, too, as his mouth snapped shut. The vein was warning enough.

"…What the hell kind of a song was that, anyway?" The hunter/doctor asked after a second.

"It was 'Run' by the Naked Brothers Band." JD told him blandly.

Perry blinked at the name, "…Better than that Journey crap."

"HEY! Don't diss the--"

"Shaddup." Perry snapped and the demon did just that, sinking into his seat on the couch beside the Irishman. With an audible _clack_ing sound, too.

"Guys?" A new voice ventured and JD twisted his head around to look at the newcomer.

It was Carla. She looked more than a little wary and he swore she had bags under her eyes.

"Carla…" he began slowly, "…how long have you been working." He figured he already knew the answer but he still felt the need to ask.

"Twenty-four hours." The answer was small, like a child who knew they had done something wrong. But JD knew that Carla Espinosa-Turk was no child, and was just devoted to her job, but still… he bet she hadn't had a wink of rest, let alone sleep during that time. Turk was flooded with surgeries that day and really didn't have the time to check on her, as much as he wanted to. And JD knew he wanted to, he could feel and sense the surgeon's worry and longing even from here.

Perry decided to throw in his two-cents, "Carla, you seriously can't be working so long; I mean, you're _pregnant_, the stress is bad for both you and your little hellspawn," he winced when the Dominican nurse shot him a look at the last word, "Mm'kay, not the best word to use…"

Just then, a sparrow flew into the lounge and landed right on Carla's right shoulder. JD thought she must have leapt at least ten feet in the air. Peering closer at the sparrow, JD noticed it was no ordinary bird. It was all brown, a shade of brown that greatly reminded him of the hair of a certain someone, and it's eyes were an electric blue.

So the Janitor had found him after all. The tall man was a Shifter, therefore he could morph into any animal he so wished. From the smallest fieldmouse to the largest elephant and everything in-between, really.

Pity he couldn't do dinosaurs, JD thought disappointedly. He'd asked once and all he'd gotten in response was a face full of mop. He'd taken it as a definite _no_.

Elliot burst in shortly after, panting. "Janitor?" She called, and when she caught sight of the bird on Carla's shoulder she grinned. "There you are!"

The sparrow took flight again and Carla cringed back instinctively, wide-eyed, when there was a bright yellowish-white light and suddenly instead of the sparrow hovering in the air, it was the Janitor, for once in casual clothing instead of his suit.

His hair was all brown and his eyes were an electric blue.

JD gave a small nod to himself. Definitely, _definitely_ a Shifter.

As if just now realizing there were other people in the room, Elliot blinked at JD, Carla and Dr. Cox. "When did you guys get here?"

Perry rolled his eyes. "We came in through the couch-door, Barbie."

Elliot said, "No, seriously."

Dr. Cox stared at her, "Seriously." He loved his ability to keep a straight face while screwing around with someone. Elliot didn't seem entirely convinced by his claim but by how serious his expression was there were some traces of doubt on her face.

The Janitor piped up, eager to impress his date, "Actually, I _can_ make an actual couch-door with the proper spells--"

"Cut it, Jumpsuit," Perry growled.

If JD didn't know any better, he would have said that the Janitor nearly wailed, "But I made a knife-wrench--!"

"I said _quit_."

Carla said something then, but JD didn't catch it. In fact, he suddenly couldn't catch anything.

It was sudden, the telepathic pull that only demon siblings could share. He found himself surrounded by darkness, similar to when he and Dr. Cox had been in the Gateway, and for a fleeting second he almost thought he was back there again, waiting for the clawed, fire-consumed hands to reach out of nothing and drag him back to _that_ place again.

But that didn't happen, and he thought himself foolish for thinking it would.

He realized he was staring at the nonexistent ground-- which was also black so it was just a bit difficult to tell up and down from left to right-- and his head shot up at the sound of clothes rustling, in that way they did when someone moved.

And his heart stopped beating for just a second in shock, before kickstarting again in what could only be described as stunned joy.

"DAN!" He cried, and rushed forward to latch onto his elder brother.

He nearly tripped on his feet when he went right through him.

Turning around to face his little brother again, Dan smiled sadly, "Yeah, not exactly strong enough at the moment to be solid…" he muttered. "But if I were I'd so totally be bear-hugging you right now, bro."

Tears pricked at JD's eyes, "You're out?" he whispered.

Dan nodded quickly, "Yeah, a demoness named Molly Clock helped us. She's a former human-- if you couldn't tell by her name." Demons usually had names like Grafgor or Tahlbuf or something freaking weird like that. Which explained why Artik was… well, Artik. No last names, usually abandoned at birth. Life as a natural-born demon sucked royally.

JD had to ask, "And L-Lucifer?" Damn it all, he shouldn't stutter anymore!

Dan's silver-blue eyes, contrasting drastically against JD's bright pure ice-blue ones, hardened immediately, "He's still going to try and damn if he doesn't give it his all, the slimy bastard." He said with a tone like a butcherknife cutting into steel.

JD nodded stiffly. He really hadn't expected anything less.

The younger brother rubbed away his drying tears, and Dan started a little. For a second he thought he'd been looking into the eyes of a life-weary ancient old man who just wanted a rest. Someone very _not_ the John Dorian he was accustomed to.

He realized, with a pang, he had seen what was buried underneath all of his brother's silly behavior and quirkiness, and it made him hate Lucifer all the more, because it was his fault, dammit, that his little brother's soul (what was left of it) was so tortured.

He never once thought that he was exactly the same, because that was just Dan Dorian. Coddled his brother to a point where it blinded him. Ben thought the same way too, towards Jordan. She always told them it would get them killed someday, though she never denied that she'd die for them, as well.

But he couldn't help but smile when tears threatened to spill over his Johnny's eyes again, and hell, he thought he might've cried himself when his brother said a bit shakily, "I miss you, Dan."

His smile turned sorrowful again, "Miss you too, man… Ben does too. And Jordan-- oh don't give me that look you know she does!" He chuckled suddenly at JD's incredulous look and the entire mood seemed to lighten. Even the blackness around them seemed to lift a few shades. It almost looked like a dark, dark gray.

_Shades of gray._ They both thought simultaneously. _The world is full of shades of gray._ There was no true evil and no true good, no pure black and no pure white, just a million shades of gray, some lighter and some darker than others. So what point was there in having a Heaven or Hell, anyway? Everyone's sinned, everyone's done a good deed, just that some people did one more than the other.

So why, _why_ had they gotten caught up in the damned Apocalypse, when there was no point to it? Most everyone would end up in Purgatory, the place in-between Heaven and Hell, because both sides couldn't decide where to put them. It was rather vain. At least the Dorian brothers thought so.

And hell, they were Jewish by blood, too. Non-practicing, but still. The irony. There had to be some irony in there somewhere, anyway…

* * *

Perry waved a hand in his Newbie's face, almost frantically, but still got no reaction. The demon's eyes were clouded, as if he wasn't really there, or _anywhere_, and he seemed as if frozen in time.

"What do you think happened?" Carla whispered, running a hand through JD's black locks. Her dark eyes shone with worry.

"I'm guessing he's having a telepathic connection with someone, though I can't really see how, since it's usually familial…" the Janitor mused, resisting the urge to doodle on Scooter's face with a marker while he had the chance.

Elliot's head whipped around to look at him, "Familial? As in his _brother_?" She shrieked and Perry covered his ears a bit overdramatically.

The Janitor nodded, "Yup."

"So…" Perry started, "they… the Others… they escaped?" He looked completely and utterly flabbergasted.

The Janitor nodded again, "Yup-yup."

Elliot's jaw went slack and Perry just stared.

Carla wished her husband were there. How could she explain all of this to him?

* * *

**A/N:** SO NOT DEAD. Just being given hell by life. Please, please forgive me? I kept drawing blanks for this for quite a while, and I'm sorry. Please review to show you haven't given up?


	19. CH19: Dumber Than a Box of Rocks!

If Elliot didn't know any better, she'd have commented on Dr. Cox's pacing around the room.

Said man glanced at the frozen JD and let out a small frustrated snarl.

But she did know better so she kept her mouth shut.

"When's he going to… wake up?" Carla whispered to the Janitor, who didn't reply immediately. He _couldn't_, really, because Perry apparently had super-hearing and whirled on them both.

"_You_ tell _me_," the redhead barked bitingly. Carla winced, though the Janitor didn't look too concerned.

"He'll come back sooner or later, probably swapping stories with his _big bwutha_," the Janitor made a snorting sound, "Pfft, lucky little shit. _I_ should have had a brother--"

He transformed into a hummingbird just in time to dodge Perry's fist.

* * *

Turk was washing his hands in a sink after one of the many surgeries of the day when the room exploded.

WAIT. Backtrack. _What_?! The fucking room _explo_-- except he couldn't form coherent thoughts yet because of the shock and when he finally could all that his brain wanted to think was _what what what_ and hell he was probably going to start babbling too when his mouth started working again _shit_… now he was thinking run-on sentences.

When he regained his sense of hearing, he could hear the screams of the other surgeons, and _damn_ if they didn't make him want to be deaf again.

But then he felt stinky, hot breath on the top of his bald head. He looked up… and saw a red-eyed cockroach.

The same ugly-ass red-eyed cockroach from the fight in the church, which hadn't been that long ago but it felt like a lifetime now. Turk froze. He recalled the name JD had mentioned, _Artik_.

If it were possible, he'd have said the cockroach seemed to grin at him. But it was not a nice grin. Not a nice one at all.

Shiiiiit.

"Lucifer needs a hostage, and since his last ones just escaped…" The demon hissed in it's scratchy, hoarse voice that reminded Turk of both sandpaper and nails scratching chalkboards.

Double shiiiiit.

He didn't have time to react as the disgusting thing's barbed tongue (or whatever it was… oh ew, that sounded _wrong_) wrapped around his leg and promptly slammed him against the wall-- or the remnants of it, anyway.

He swore he heard a cracking sound. A rib. Not his spine, thankfully.

He fell to the floor and could almost sense Artik getting ready for another slam, and for a second, just a short, small second, he thought something very un-Christopher Turk-ish. Something very cowardly.

He _wanted_ his spine, his neck, to break. Just so he wouldn't have to deal with this.

Carla's face flashed through his mind, and another flash, something he'd never seen before. A vision of he and Carla cooing over their newborn baby in the delivery room. He'd imagined it before, of course, but it had never been so clear; so _real_.

With those thoughts in mind, he twisted upwards, ignoring the stabbing pain in his side that was the broken rib, and punched Artik in the face.

It was a damn good punch too, by the way Artik's ugly squashed face screwed up in pain.

* * *

The darkness shook. JD didn't know how that was possible, but it did.

Dan smiled at him, and it was genuine, "You should go."

JD paused, and nodded. "I _will_ see you again." He stated firmly, as if trying to convince himself, too.

Dan smiled just a bit wider, "Yeah, little brother, yeah you will."

And JD was gone-- vanished in a flicker of light-- and Dan was left alone again.

"Danny?" Ben's voice called. Or maybe not so alone.

Dan started. "Ben?" He blinked, "How long have you been there?" He looked around but there was no one around him. The hell…?

Ben's voice came louder this time, more urgently, "Danny!"

"BEN! Dammit, I'm here, where are you? How'd you get in here?" Dan spun around in circles, trying to find the source of his friend's voice but there was no trace of anyone. No sign of life but him.

What really shocked him was when he heard Jordan's voice too, but she didn't sound like Jordan. She sounded terrified. Maybe close to tears, "_There's no sign of life_!" her voice almost wailed, cutting through the blackness like a butcherknife.

Dan rasped, "What…?"

And Dan was back to the land of the living again. Hovering above him were the faces of Ben, Molly and Jordan. He blinked owlishly up at them. He realized he was on the floor and shot up to a standing position. He ignored how his feet wobbled. "What happened?!" he demanded.

Ben put a hand on his arm, trying to calm the elder Dorian down. "You just kinda… fell just now, during the connection," he said in a voice that was a stark contrast to what Dan had heard just a moment before. Calm and soothing, not urgent and just a little bit… scared.

"But… but I _heard_ you!" He insisted.

Ben furrowed his brows in confusion, "Heard me what? Dan, nobody's said much at all since you connected with JD."

"But…" Dan sputtered. He pointed at Jordan. "I heard her too!"

Jordan glared, "It's rude to point."

Molly, looking thoughtful, inquired, "Daniel, what did you hear?"

"I don't…" Dan started helplessly, feeling despaired, "I don't… k-know."

* * *

"Dumber than a box of rocks!"

"I heard you the first time, Perry."

"For the love of _God_, Nancy, you could _warn_ us before you go all googly-eyed and frozen-stiff like that!"

"I didn't have any control over it." JD told him blandly.

"Oh like HELL you didn't!" Perry snapped, "You're one of the Four! You're telling me you _can't control_ something like that?!"

JD was getting more than a bit irritated now and it showed, "Believe it or not, Per, but just because I'm powerful doesn't mean I know _everything_."

After an intense fussing session, the two had managed to get Carla, Elliot and the Janitor out so they could talk in private. Well, more like Perry had kicked them out so he could give JD a tongue-lashing but let's not get into specifics.

"Never said you knew every-damn-thing. I _know_ you don't, Shirley Temple," Perry fumed for a minute, and then he just seemed to… deflate. "Scared me half to death there, Newbie." He'd rather not remember the number of times Carla had asked if he was alright, saying that how pale he looked couldn't be healthy. He wasn't sure what he had expected; for Newbie to start convulsing or something before coming back to the land of the living like a fucking excorsism or whatever? He'd expected something bad, that was for sure. He just wasn't sure... what. That was what happened when you cared for someone, he mused, you always expect the worst to happen and you spend all your energy expecting yourself to save them.

What the Irishman didn't expect, however, was the sudden sensation of JD's lips ghosting over his own, "I knew you cared." The demon murmured giddily.

Perry's eye twitched. And so did something else. "Damn you." He growled. "I freaking _knew_ it. You're _manipulative_."

"And you love it."

Perry grunted but he didn't deny it.

* * *

**A/N:** Artik returns! And what _was_ it that Dan heard? An omen of some kind, maybe? WAIT AND FIND OUT.

Oh, God, I sound like a crappy TV-newscaster or something. Dx You might be wondering why everyone hasn't realized that something's wrong with Turk. They're on the other side of the building and Artik's explosion-- it wasn't really an _explosion_, actually, it just felt like it to Turk because of how close to him Artik had busted through the wall. It was big enough to shake the whole hospital. But they're find out soon enough, that much is inevitable. Anyway, review, please?


	20. CH20: Gonads

_I hate sneak attacks,_ Turk thought, wincing as Carla tightened the bandaging on his side. She looked at him apologetically but he just nodded with gritted teeth in response. Elliot hovered in the background of Carla and Turk's apartment, babbling to herself about just in the _frick_ they were going to explain this to the media.

"I'm going to kill Artik." A rumbling voice said suddenly. Turk jumped a little. Elliot faltered in her fastspoken blonde language for just a moment, for determinedly carrying on as if she never heard anything. "Bastard ran away as soon as we entered the room… coward…" JD paced back and forth through the room, and for a second Turk didn't recognize him. He didn't... look like himself at the moment.

It may or might have not been just a trick of the lights, but every time JD made quick, sharp U-turns as he paced to and fro, he could have sworn he saw a reddish gleam in the demon's normally bright blue eyes.

And it made him want to shiver.

* * *

"…Now I know where the notion that Kansas is Hell came from." Dan muttered. "How did we end up in _Kansas_?"

Molly smiled at him in that cheery way she always did. Jordan grimaced. "The spell I used will take you wherever you're thinking of when you use it. For whatever reason, I must have thought of Kansas for a fleeting second before activating it."

Ben blinked at her. "What could make you think of _Kansas_ while we're running for our lives?"

Molly shrugged.

Jordan opened her mouth to say something witty.

Dan waved a hand, "Guys! Can't we just focus here for a second?"

Jordan shot him a look, annoyed at being interrupted even before she said anything. "Oh, look who's trying to play peacemaker for once. That was Sally's job, Gonads."

"I don't even _get_ that nickname," Ben said with exasperation. He saw a town up ahead as they trudged down an old dusty road and briefly wondered if any of the stores there had cameras.

Jordan glanced at him in a somehow scorching way that was enough to make her brother wilt. "It had _Nad_ in it, which is _Dan_ backwards." She explained indifferently.

"Like how you call JD, DJ?" Molly chirped.

"GUYS!" Dan exclaimed.

"Daniel, there's no need to yell…"

"Dude…"

"GONADS! Shut up!"

They were doomed.

* * *

"He could have died."

"Dr. Cox, you couldn't have known--"

"I shoulda sensed something was wrong. That's what team leaders do. They protect their teammates."

"Dr. _Cox_, please, there's nothing you could have done unless you were there yourself--"

"I _should_ have been there." Perry insisted.

Carla snapped suddenly, "We were all worried about Bambi, don't use that as an excuse to blame yourself!"

"Him too."Carla stopped. There was a heavy pause. "What?"

"I should have known Newbie'd be fine and went to check on Ghandi. I should have taken Jumpsuit's word for it. They don't call him the best for nothing." For once, Carla was glad the redhead was buzzed from alcohol, because if Perry were completely sober he'd never admit any of this.

"Sweetie," Perry winced a little, and Carla continued, "we all know how you feel about--"

"Don't go there."

"I'd assumed you've come to terms with having feelings for Bambi by now." Carla deadpanned and Perry seemed to shrink in on himself, just a bit, as she said it. He raised a shot glass to his lips but didn't drink it.

"I… have." He murmured into the glass at last.

"You just don't like to say such personal things out loud?" Carla guessed.

With a moment's hesitation, Perry grumbled finally, "…Not in a freaking bar filled with nosy-ass people."

Carla had to let out a soft laugh at that. "You still can't get over the fact that you've fallen for a demon?"

The nurse thought she saw the hunter-doctor jump in his barstool seat. "I _never said that_, thank you." He snarled.

"But that's the problem." It wasn't a question.

Perry glared at her scathingly through the corner of his eye, "…He used to be human. A part of him still is."

"But most of him isn't anymore. The humanity left in him is still enough to let him have feelings for anyone in the first place, but…" Carla trailed off, silently urging Perry to continue for her.

But instead he hissed, "I'm not that Goddamned easy to read am I?"

Carla's only answer was an expectant stare.

"…I don't like it when he…" His grip on the shot glass tightened. "…you know. When he goes… demon."

Carla's eyes softened. "Hun, you've never even seen him go into his full form like Artik has."

"I don't _want_ to."

Carla soothed, "No one does."

Perry's teeth grit together to the point where they might have cracked under the pressure, "He's all nerdy-cheery one second and the next he looks ready to crush someone's skull in."

"I don't think _he_ likes it too much either, Perry."

"I can't just ignore it."

"You don't have to. Just… learn to live with it." Carla cursed herself for that slight hesitation.

At first, Perry didn't say anything. But then he turned his head to look at her and said in a worryingly emotionless voice, "_Learn to live with it_. Is that the best you can come up with?"

"You're not being much help here, either." The nurse retorted. She felt angry, frustrated. Why did Dr. Cox have to fight her on _everything_, especially with things like this?

"…I want to be with him." The suddenness of the statement made Carla backtrack. "Damn it all, I haven't even known him for a year and already I'm…" he didn't allow himself to finish the sentence.

Not knowing what else to do, Carla put a hand on his shoulder, grabbed the arm holding the shotglass and lowered it to the table, and said softly, "Come on, let's go back. Bambi's probably worrying about you."

* * *

**A/N:** Kind of a filler, but I finally updated… a bit short, too, maybe. But I'm just glad I _updated_. Review to show you're still with me? I won't blame you if you're not.


	21. CH21: To a Degree

"SON OF A BITCHFUCK."

JD said amusedly with a rare outright leer, "Interesting vocabulary, Per."

"You can just shut your mouth." The Irishman snapped, staring at the spot on his neck where the smaller man had bitten him. "I knew someone like you had to have their quirks but _damn_. Right in the middle of a snog session, seriously, Johanna?" Dr. Cox's voice was a bit higher than usual, "I think you drew _blood_."

JD pulled back with a raised brow, bemused. "I figured the almighty demon hunter-slash-world's-best-damn-doctor could handle a bit of rough foreplay."

"I figured you weren't as sadistic as all the other demons!" Perry shot back before he could stop himself.

At JD's look at hurt, he quickly said, "I didn't… mean, that." He struggled a bit to get the words out; Jesus H. Cox _never_ apologized. Until now.

JD let out a breath. "I know you didn't." He replied in a simple, emotionless tone that alarmed Perry more than a bit.

"…Good. Now, where were we--?"

"Is that always going to come between us?" JD asked suddenly, cutting the redhead off mid-sentence. His large blue doe eyes were filled with a sudden guardedness, and Perry froze as the question registered.

"No." The answer came out less confident than he'd wanted it to.

"I see."

Perry bared his teeth-- not at JD, but at himself. "No. No kid, you do _nawt_."

"I think I do." JD said with full certainty. It made Perry's muscles tense, how just _knowing_ the usual near-naïve demon was, "You were taught for years never to trust a demon, and to kill them on sight. It's been engraved and drilled into your brain, and you won't be forgetting it anytime soon. You think I don't notice how you flinch when I try to hold your hand? I say _try_ because sometimes you don't let me."

The words stung. "But you were human." Perry protested angrily.

"Once."

Perry insisted, "You still are."

"To a degree." JD allowed with a tiny nod.

"Doesn't change anything."

"Except it changes everything."

"_Newbie_." Perry growled warningly.

And then JD was JD again-- or at least he seemed to be. "_Perry_." He bent to nip at the Irishman's neck again.

Perry jerked away, perhaps a bit too quickly. "Don't you _dare_ try and change the subject, or I'll strangle you with your own intestines. Unless they grow back."

The smile slid off JD's face in an instant. "Douche."

"Subject-changer. _You_ brought it up."

"_You_ tried to screw me in the janitor's closet." JD countered, making a motion to the small room surrounding them.

"Perfectly justifiable. You pouted. _Without permission_."

"Pfft."

"Oh, and kid?"

"Hmm?"

Perry's tone became significantly softer, "Turtlehead's gonna be fine. He just needs to heal."

For a second, JD's lip quivered, and quietly, he said, "Figured out why I even _let_ you jump me in this craphole closet, did you? With all the germs and the dirty stuff and _bleh_."

"If you need something to take your mind off it…" Perry trailed off.

Sincerely, JD smiled, "Thanks."

* * *

_And now for something completely different..._

"Turk's going to be fine, Carla!" Elliot insisted, for the umpteenth time that day. "They'd let you visit but they don't want him to put any pressure on his broken ribs."

Carla's mouth thinned but she reluctantly gave up-- for now, still glaring, "How is the government planning to cover _this_ up? Aliens?"

The Janitor interjected, leaning forward on his mop, (and holy hell did he bring that fricking thing _everywhere_, not just on dates?! Elliot wondered.) "Squirrel Army invasion?" He said it as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Elliot gave him a strange look but answered anyway, "I have no idea whatsoever."

"Wonderful." Carla deadpanned.

* * *

"_Fuck_." Perry gasped, flushing red.

JD glanced up at him slyly, chiding, "And there you go with the cursing again." His voice was muffled, for his mouth was full. Very full.

This was meant to be vague for a reason, kiddies.

* * *

"They're gonna start asking us since we're the people closest to Turk." Elliot pointed out. "We have to come up with _something_. We can't just outright say, _'We're demon hunters plus one Shifter whose destinies are to save the world from Satan because that's what Heaven planned for us and yes we're saying this even though we know that half the United States population doesn't even believe in Heaven or Hell!'_" The blonde said in one breath.

The Janitor didn't understand a single word she said. Carla, who understood Connecticutian, translated it for him. Once he understood, his mouth formed an "_Oh_." shape.

Elliot was a little bit more than flustered, needless to say. She straightened in her seat on Carla and Turk's couch, crossing her arms over her chest and blowing the bangs out of her eyes haughtily. Fricking people needed to learn clear English.

* * *

"Ben, we're gonna need a taxi."

"What do you expect me to do about it, Danny?" Ben shot back, annoyed at being interrupted while fiddling with his new Kodak camera, which he'd gotten from a drugstore a few towns back.

"I dunno!" Dan threw up his arms in frustration, "You're the one with the camera! Make yourself look important-- like you're goin' to a supermodel photo shoot or somethin'."

Jordan threw in her two cents, "I'll be the model."

Molly opened her mouth.

"Not you. You're not pretty enough."

Molly closed it.

Ben gave his sister a look, "Sis, that wasn't very nice."

"I don't _care_. If Danni didn't care when you said stealing toy trucks from the other kids wasn't nice then why would I?"

A little cautiously, Ben said, "…There are no toy trucks here, Jordan."

"Hey!" Dan cried indignantly, "I've never stolen any toy trucks in my life!"

Jordan snapped, rounding on the elder Dorian, "Not _YOU_, Gonads. Our sister Danielle. She's dead."

"Oh…"

* * *

"I'm gonna kill you, Sally-Anne."

"As if you could."

"_That was too early_, dammit."

"You seemed to enjoy it."

"…"

"…"

"I'm gonna kill you."

"I didn't realize I was so good at blow--"

"_Shut your mouth_."

"…And you said you didn't spoon-- OW! What's with the ear-flicking?!"

* * *

And Lucifer?

He was not pleased. Not at all. In fact, he was so displeased, that he took the job of punishing Artik himself. Well, he _did_, before he got an idea. A most devilish idea, and yes, that was a pun.

Jonathon's little friends, most likely, had not seen their _precious JD_'s true nature yet.

"Artik, I have another job for you."

* * *

**A/N:** I updated! I actually had fun writing this, even more than usual. I'm sorry about how long it takes me to update nowadays-- school's a bitch. Review, to show you're still with me even after all this? Won't blame you if you're not.


	22. CH22: Dilemmas

Perry Cox didn't like it when he didn't get his way.

Nor did John Dorian.

So you could see the dilemma.

"_Newbie_. We're getting caramel."

"No way! We're getting _strawberry_."

"You won't get ANYTHING if you don't stop arguing!" Carla exclaimed, interrupting them both, causing them to look at her in alarm. "_Thank_ you." She snapped, sitting back next to a bandaged—but healing well—Turk.

Squeezed in beside the two, Elliot drummed her fingers on the tabletop nervously. Their first time out since Artik's attack and already things were going to hell?—No pun intended.

On the opposite end of the table, side-by-side, elbow-to-elbow, JD and Perry glared at each other one last time before Perry muttered to the waitress, "One super chocolate sundae for all of us."

Nodding hastily, the petrified waitress scribbled it down on her notepad and fled, because one: the anger of Perry Cox combined with that of a powerful demon? Mind-numbingly scary.

And _two_…

She was deft enough to spot that the bigger man was using the arguing as a cover-up to attempt to grope the raven-haired man underneath the table, out of sight of the three people across from them.

Perry decided to give up after Newbie kicked him in the shins for the umpteenth time.

He remembered how the smaller man had griped at him that morning, after an (attempted) snogging session, "Is that _all_ you think about—sucking face?!"

"_Well_," Perry had drawled sarcastically in response, "I _am_ a man. In his _prime_, might I add." Which of course he would, but not without a show-offy flex of his arm muscles, just to top it off.

JD had rolled his eyes. "Kids these days…"

"Now you sound old."

"I _am_ old, Perry. I was alive before you were even _born_. Now lemme concentrate."

"What—so you can conjure an appletini for yourself out of thin air just to annoy me—_again_?'

"It's what I do." JD retorted suavely.

It was Barbie's banshee voice that broke him out of his reverie. "The Others are here on Earth, so that means we'll have to look for them—I mean, frickin' duh, obviously—but we haven't been able to, and now that Turk's healed—"

"But where could they be?" Carla interjected. "Not even JD can sense their auras, which I bet is Lucifer's work. If they were anywhere nearby, surely they'd've found us by now?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" JD said with a sigh. "But, you guys gotta remember: Dan's an idiot. He wouldn't recognize a landmark or follow directions correctly if they bit him in the ass."

"…You've mentioned that before, Bambi, but he can't be _that_—"

"He's over a thousand years old and he _still_ hasn't gotten the grasp of what the square root of pi is, and he's been to college _five times_." JD deadpanned. "As you've _probably_ guessed, he never graduated from a single one of them."

Once Dan had hit the age of two-hundred-eighty-something, he'd given up on school altogether. JD figured his elder brother would've done so _much_ earlier if he hadn't been so curious about the very _idea_ of school, since the time period they'd grown up in hadn't had that many open to the public…

He hadn't realized he'd just said all of that out loud until he felt the stares.

"Dude," Turk said after a beat of silence, round-eyed, "Point: taken."

* * *

"Danny," Ben said slowly, almost cautiously, staring upwards and squinting to help keep the sun out of his blue eyes, "is that the Eiffel Tower?"

Dan grinned at him blindingly, stubbornly being ignorant of their sudden dilemma. "Why, yes, Benji, I do believe it is!"

"And _how_, pray tell," Jordan damn near snarled, "did we end up in _France_?!"

"I think Daniel made a wrong turn at Albuquerque." Molly suggested cheerfully, before looking thoughtful and adding; "Or was it London?"

"Er…" A new voice said uneasily from behind them, and the trio turned.

Spiderman was standing before them. But he was rather _chubby_ for a superhero… "You guys _do_ know that you're in Las Vegas, right?"

Dan blinked once. Twice. Thrice. "Oh." That would explain the Spiderman suit… weirdoes always gathered in Las Vegas…

Jordan slapped him over the back of the head. "Damn _right_, 'oh'!"

"Wait!" Ben exclaimed. "We're in California, then. Seems like just yesterday we were shadowmorphing through Phoenix…"

"It _was_ yesterday, Benjamin," Molly told him, once again in a happy tone that made Jordan grimace with the mental image of Molly Clock vomiting rainbows, "Travel by shadowmorph is extremely quick."

"No really?" Dan mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck warily. He'd never been too fond of turning into a freaking _shadow_ and swooping along the streets, scaring the living daylights out of passing by kids…

…And creating a swift breeze that ruffled the skirts of gorgeous women. Nevermind, he loved shadowmorphing.

"_Whatever_," Jordan dismissed briskly, "We're in California, DJ's in California, let's get the _hell_ going."

They melted into the shadows of Las Vegas once again, leaving a very confused, very fat Spiderman in their wake.

* * *

As Carla left a tip for the poor, traumatized waitress, Perry tried to sneak a peck to JD's cheek, but he froze halfway at the glare the raven-haired man gave him.

"_Not in front of __**Turk**_..." Newbie hissed at him through the corner of his mouth, making a little gesture with his head to the surgeon. "Poor guy'd have a heartattack."

Perry scowled. "_Fine_." He mouthed back. "But 'yer gettin' _punished_ for this one, Newb, lemme be the first to tell ya."

JD rolled his eyes, not doubting it for a second. "I really wouldn't expect anything less, Per."

He was too engrossed in their banter to notice the red eyes gleaming at the group from across the street, watching the group leave the restaurant.

The only thing concerning JD at the moment, in this rare moment of pure normality—bickering with his lover (wow, it left tingles on his tongue to call Perry that), the constant hovering of Carla over her husband ("WOMAN! I am _fine_! I feel okay, too… oww! Not the ear, baby, not the—!") and Elliot's verbalized, squeaky guilt over the fact that she had not invited Glenn—whoever that was—oh right, the Janitor…

The fear for the Others was always there, of course, it was always yelling at him in the back of his mind—but he had more family now, family that needed him. And in this moment that he knew could not last, all he had to focus on was them.

He couldn't feel more at peace.

Especially not when he childishly tried to hold hands with Perry as he always did, only to find that the other actually _accepted_ it, and the demon almost wanted to skip down the street in utter glee.

Of course, he did not, for fear of another ear-flicking attack.

He didn't see Perry's plotting smirk. _Lull him into a false sense of security, and as soon as we're alone, __**jump**__ his ass…_

* * *

"_Perry_…" Whine.

Chuckle. "Haven't even gotten in yet."

Vain wriggling. "Put it _in_ me already, for Chrissakes…"

"Y'know, it's really weird to hear a demon curse like that, and I _did_ say you'd be punished, did I _nawt_?" A teasing nip at the smaller man's neck.

"Oh, _God_," an all-too familiar voice groaned suddenly from the other side of the room, "Jordan, kill me _now_, you did _not tell me_ they were _doing it_… I feel violated, 'cuz Johnny looks so much like me and I am _so_ not into guys, and if I were especially not _this_ Cox-what's-his-face guy…"

JD nearly fainted. Perry just froze.

"…I'm going now." An awkward pause. "You guys… finish what you were doin'…"

Dan slunk out of the room.

* * *

**A/N:** Not dead (yet), guys. I apologize for such long intervals between chapters, school life's been killing me. But it beats up everyone, not just me… so... I can't really do much else but apologize and update. Dx

I think this is the best chapter I've written yet, because this is the _closest_ thing to smut I've ever written, so I suppose that's progress in one way or another, and _two_: the words flowed out of my mind like they haven't in a long while. Review, and tell me what you think? It'd be greatly appreciated, since there haven't been any new reviews in quite a while.

Also, I've been wondering if I could change the genre. Right now, it's romance/supernatural, and though this fic _does_ mention the supernatural often, it also has a heavy dose of humor in it, too. Should I leave it this way or change it to romance/humor? I'm horrid at choosing genres so I'm asking you peeps.


	23. CH23: Dysfunctional Squirrels

"I hate you, Jordan."

"I know."

Dan's glare was piercing but it had no effect on the woman. "You told me to go find my brother, but you oh-so-convienently left out the part that they were having... relations."

She gave him a wide, fake smile. "Why, yes I did, Gonads." The expression dropped like an anveil, "Your point?"

"...If I didn't know it would just grow back, I'd dismember you right now." Dan shuddered violently, crossed his arms across his chest and almost seemed to curl in on himself. "I'm scarred for life. I swear to God, I will never, EVER get that image out of my brain..."

Jordan deadpanned, "Then my immortal life is complete." She swiftly turned and nodded her head towards the door. "I don't think they'll be 'finishing up' anytime soon, anyway." She paused. "Not that I care."

* * *

"Please, don't tell me." Turk whimpered, vainly covering one ear with his good hand and shoving his other ear against his shoulder in an attempt to drown out the blonde demoness's words.

Molly smiled at him, oblivious; that or she just didn't care. "It's true. Daniel shadowmorphed in on Percival and Jonathon having-"

"If you're done traumatizing my husband," Carla cut in, amused.

There was no way to describe Elliot's expression other than she thought she had just struck pure gold.

Molly turned suddenly towards the door and chirped, "Ah, here they come!"

Turk winced, paling in dismay as he could hear the shouting even with his ears covered, growing ever near.

"What the HELL were you thinking, Dan-?"

"Not my fault! Jordan tricked me!"

"Yeah, but that's Jordan! You should've known better than to listen to her!"

Cox's voice suddenly cut in, barking, "Ladies, ladies! It's not the first time someone's stumbled in on us getting... ugh... _'touchy-feely,'_ let it go!"

"Get off it, Perry!" JD's voice snarked right back. Turk could just imagine the look of surprise on the redhead's face. "You _planned_ it last time! What did Turk ever do to you?"

Turk paled even more. And he'd worked so hard to suppress that particular memory, too... He could hear the smile in Ben's voice as the demon leaned over on the couch to tell him, "Heyyy, Turk, I like this Cox dude- not the kind of guy who's afraid to speak his mind, is he?"

Turk scowled. "Unfortunately."

Ben grinned. Then he turned thoughtful. "Hey, why isn't my sis with them?"

"She left quickly after Daniel threw a fireball at her earlier." Molly told him, shamelessly eavesdropping on he and Turk's conversation.

To his credit, Ben looked hardly surprised at her intrusion. "Oh."

"So, what's the plan?" Elliot asked, stuffing her face with nacho chips. She always ate when anxious.

Ben shrugged. "Don't have one yet."

Carla's jaw went slack. "Are you _kidding_ me?"

Ben took a gulp of his slurpee (_Where the frick did that come from?_ Elliot wondered.) and replied, "_Nooooo_." Though, with his mouth full it came out more like, "_Nuuuuuu_."

"Wish he was." Cox's voice rumbled suddenly and Carla jumped a little. The Irishman leant against the couch, "Start thinkin', idiots."

"Why don't _you_?" Turk snapped, glaring at the elder doctor.

Perry's face darkened. "Don't start with me, Ghandi."

Turk opened his mouth to retort-

**BANG.** (Perry actually cringed a little.)

"DAMN IT, DAN!" Came a shout from outside the door to Carla and Turk's apartment, "I told you not to drop the flipping sodacans!"

"But, _Johnnyyy_-"

"DON'T _'BUT, JOHNNY,'_ ME, DAN! I am the king of butts!" Perry was pretty sure at that moment that JD was just too pissed to really care what he was saying, as long as he was yelling at Dan.

"So I saw."

Turk gavomited a little. Perry facepalmed.

"..._DAN_, I'm going to _KILL_ you!"

"Anyway," Elliot huffed, forcedly ignored the ruckus outside, "We gotta figure something out."

"In case ya hadn't noticed, Barbie," Cox snapped at her, face still hidden behind his hands, "we're kinda too dysfunctional at the moment to work together."

There was more clutter of noise coming from the door, and Elliot didn't really think she wanted to know just which one of the two demon brothers were getting their asses kicked- holy frick, did they just _dent the door_?

A sharp whistle caught her attention. "Blondie. Focus." Cox's steely gaze glared down at her, "If you're the only one sane enough at the moment to think of something, then by God, do it!" There was a beat of silence, and then Cox groaned dramatically, "Dear sweet Zeus, did I really just call you _sane_?"

"It really is the apocolypse." Carla stated blandly, smirking at the wide-eyed look that crossed Perry's face for a moment before he snapped his head around to scowl at her.

Another dent appeared in the door, accompanied by a sharp yell of fury. JD really was a sight to see when angered. Elliot almost felt sorry for poor Dan...

Turk whimpered. Nothing made sense anymore!

* * *

"Blippy, hand me that screwdriver, would you?"

A fluffy red squirrel hopped onto the desk, tiny little paws with said tool outstretched. The Janitor smiled approvingly down at it and pat it's head affectionately, taking the item and setting back to work. True, he'd rather be with Pretty Blonde Doctor- er, Elliot- right now, but this was important.  
If he did this right, they just may have a foolproof, safe passage to Hell.

...Well, as safe as anything involving Hell could be.

Of course, if he did this wrong, he'd be blown up the second he tried to activate it.  
He took a deep breath, puffing out his chest proudly. The squirrel stared up at him with round little dark eyes, the expression in them blank. _That's just a risk I'll have to take,_ the Janitor thought bravely.  
The squirrel tilted it's head at him. Then, it went still, eyes losing their shine and it's body becoming stiff. It was almost as if it had never been alive in the first place.

The Janitor looked at it in surprise. "Out of time already?" He inquired to no one in particular. "Huh. The time limit of when my Squirrel Army can come to life is getting shorter..." He furrowed his brows in thought. "I wonder why?"

* * *

**A/U:** I know. You hate me. But school's out now for me! :) FINALLY! So now I can write all I want! Assuming my muse doesn't abandon me like it often does... Well, anyway; review to show you're still with this fic?


	24. CH24: The Frick that Saved the World

"Frick! Let me **GO**!" Elliot kicked and struggled, but the grip on her was vicelike. It wasn't about to budge; but that didn't mean she would let it be easy for them. She had some ounce of pride left in her being. "Why can't you just fuck off?" Elliot wasn't one to drop the F-bomb often, but she made an exception this time.

The demon made no response. Perhaps he was one of those with the ability to block out sounds. Then again, a lot of humans seemed to be able to do that around her, too...

The corridor was dimly lit, shadows creeping in seemingly every crack of the stone walls. Gaslamps flickered, turning Elliot's vision darker than black only to come to life again. Was there even such a thing as _'life'_ here?

She didn't know. She didn't know a lot of things.  
It was quite irritating.

In fact, it was infuriating enough to make her kick one of the demons in the leg. He _(or she?) _didn't even react. The blonde doctor wasn't surprised: this wasn't the first time she'd done that.

A dulled sense of fear unrelentlessly buzzed within her. She was frightened, yes, but somehow she'd managed to drown it out in favor of screaming her head off at her apparent captors in defiance. She was not perfect, she knew she'd be back to cowering sooner or later.

A part of her- a very small part of her, now, after all she had seen, all the things she knew now, told her that this was nothing more than a dream, or maybe she was getting punked or something. Any second now, one of the actors would screw up their lines (assuming they had any, the two demons dragging her hadn't made a fricking peep) and then that Ashton Kutcher asswipe would leap out of nowhere, and in no time at all she'd be back home, all safe and warm in her favorite pink snuggie.

But not before clawing Kutcher's eyes out. And maiming him, then subjecting him to the wrath of her super strong legs, and not in a good way. In that order.

She realized that that small part of her was the last bit of normality in her soul fading away.

They approached a door. A big, metal one, and Elliot felt her blood chill as it was opened with an eerie creak.

She was thrown in. She landed on her backside, crying out.

The door slammed shut. The sound echoed.

Elliot winced as she inspected the bruises on her arms. They were turning dark fast, and frick it all, they were started to ache. She didn't deal well with pain. "_Fricking bastards_!" She yelled to no one.

Despite her will, she began to shiver. This was her fault, she should've been more careful. A walk outside in the middle of the night? By herself? Who cared if she wanted fresh air or not? THE _FUCKING **APOCOLYPSE**_ was starting and she _WENT OUTSIDE_ in the _DARK_?  
She was even more insane than Dr. Cox called her.

She took a shuddering breath. They were going to use her as bait, probably, to get to JD and everyone else. Her heart throbbed in remorse and pain. _Janitor- Glenn..._

The more that she silently panicked, the more she began to worry less for herself, but more for the safety of the entire world, and most importantly; her friends. Her family.

She wasn't supposed to die like this, right? _Right_? She was one of the _'Chosen Ones'_ or some shit like that, she couldn't die this way- she wouldn't allow it-

Elliot's chest was filled with a new feeling then, some kind of warmth that seemed to come from the very depths of her soul. She took a deep breath, and exhaled, "Frick."

In that one ridiculous uttered word, quite possibly lay the fate of mankind.

* * *

"Did you guys hear something?" JD asked suddenly, breaking the silence. He gave the group a puzzled look. "It sounded like Elliot saying _'frick.'_" Rather breathily, too.

"I heard it, too," Carla answered, looking at him from her place behind the nurses' station. "I guess she's nearby."

"Is she late?" JD inquired.

"Looks like it," Turk answered, appearing by his friend's side, "Kelso's not gonna be happy with that."

Carla frowned at the thought and JD winced, "Ouch."

They waited a moment, several in fact, but the blonde woman from Connecticut never came into their vision.

JD's clear blue eyes narrowed. "Someone was with her last night, right?" (Dan, Jordan, and Molly had taken it upon themselves to explore the hospital. God knew what havoc they were causing.)

"The Janitor was spending the night with her-" she gave her husband and friend a warning glare when they pulled faces at her choice of words, "So I doubt anything happened."

"Anything besides s- baby, _OW_!" Turk wailed when his wife pinched his ear.

JD sighed. "I think this deserves talking to Perry about. Where is he?"

Turk blinked. "Dude, you don't keep track of your boyfriend?" He was dubious. "I always know where my Carla is!"

"That's because Newbie's not as obsessive as you are. And if you ever, ever, ever, evereverever e-he-EVER call me his _'boyfriend'_ again, Turtlehead, I will hug you. Around the neck. Tightly."

JD started and Turk outright yelped in surprise. The former turned and beamed. "Hey, Per."

"Don't call me-" Perry started, but then closed his eyes and growled, opening them, "Ah, screw it, I don't care anymore." He said with an air of finality that made JD grin, because he knew the Irishman would be back at it again in just a few minutes at least. "Where the hell is Barbie?"

JD's grin dropped like an anvil and Carla said, "That's what we're trying to figure out."

Perry's brows furrowed. "Isn't she supposed to be with Lurch or something?"

"Actually, I'm right here."

At first, Perry made no response. Then, he turned on his heel, very slowly. "Jumpsuit," he said, almost carefully, "Why in gum's name aren't you with Barbie?"

The Janitor had the gall to look sheepish. "She kinda kicked me out after I tried to kiss her."

Turk pulled a face again. Carla let it slide.

JD was expressionless.

Perry buried his face in his hands in such a fashion, that it could only be described as a facepalm. "And... where is she _NOW_?"

"I... don't know, actually."

There was a moment of dreadful silence.

"I..."

Everyone turned to JD.

"When I said I heard Elliot's voice, earlier..." JD began, and Perry's deep blue eyes flickered with recognition. He had heard it too. "...I think she was calling out to us. I think... Lucifer has her."

* * *

**A/N:** I'm back! I'm so sorry, when was the last time I updated? Too long! What's worse, school's started for me again. I'm afraid to say this may happen again.

I also want to add something I've been wanting to say for awhile: I know that to some people, this fic seems ridiculous, rushed, and unrealistic. That was kind of the point when I started this. It was supposed to be lighthearted, romancey, and downright silly at times. I was writing this for fun, and really, I still am, but now it seems to be getting more serious. Is that a bad thing? I mean, the actual show is mostly comedy mixed in with drama, with tragic and/or dire moments thrown in. I don't think I have the same masterful timing as the writers did, but... I try.

Mind to drop a review, my pretties?


	25. CH25: Not Good With Pressure

If there was one thing Perry hated, it was bastards. Oh, no. Not bastards like him, but true-blue, down-to-the-core asswipes. Such fuckfaces were on his shitlist.

Lucifer was one of them.

Perry admitted, he de-_hef_initely was not Barbie's biggest fan. She annoyed him, and he made her want to pull out her oh-so-blonde hair. But he didn't hate the blondie. He also wasn't the type to acknowledge when someone was his friend.

Now Lucifer had taken her.

His knuckles were white as he clenched them. He was furious.

New assholes would be torn.

* * *

"AM I THE _ONLY _ONE WITH THE _SLIGHTEST_ IDEA OF WHAT TO DO HERE?"

Carla winced a bit. "Janitor, we're not exactly experts on _saving the world_-"

"_SO_? You're demon hunters _AND _doctors! Pull your heads out of your asses! _'Oh, what do we do? We're so lost and hopeless!'_ That's all you ever say! I'm a **JANITOR** and I'm not as incompetent as you!"

"Um." Said JD. "The point?" He forcedly ignored a crash cart racing by in the background (no one really was paying them much attention). More people dying. More doctors, nurses and surgeons- not to mention _patients_- wondering what the _hell_ was going on. This would end soon, one way or another. If they won, most of the lives taken by the demonic illness (that sounded so lame, but JD couldn't find any other name for it) would be returned. Some would not... it was their time, anyway.

"Urg," growled the Janitor, "Fine. We're gonna have to take a deep-shit dive into Hell for this one." Ignoring the gapes he got in response, he fixed Carla with a stern look. "Except for YOU. You're pregnant, little miss."

JD could see some bitterness flash in Carla's eyes, but he knew she loved her little unborn bundle too much to risk it. Turk squeezed his wife's hand in reassurance, and some of the darkness in her eyes left; but the worry wouldn't leave for a long time.

The Janitor blinked at JD suddenly. "Scooter! Where's your demony partners in crime?"

"Hi." Said Ben, next to the Janitor's ear.

"AAAAHH!"

Still changing shape from a shadow to his main form, Dan uncontrollably squealed with laughter. Molly grinned beside him. Jordan looked as if she were about to hit them both, but then she said; "I'm not exactly fond of the idea of going back to Lucifer's shitty backyard," she spat out the name 'Lucifer' as if it were poisonous, "But apparently the Stick chick is important, so... hmm."

"'_Hmm_'?" Parroted Perry, baring his teeth. "That's the best you can come up with, demon lady?"

Jordan narrowed her eyes at him, but before she could retort JD blurted, "BANANA-HAMMOCK."

...He was not good with pressure.

Jordan rolled her eyes and Perry stared at his- well, boyfriend. Good God, he'd actually thought it. Next he'd be slow dancing in high heels or something.

"So." Said Dan.

"So...?" Urged Turk.

There was a tense moment of silence, as if they were waiting for one of them to say something incredible insightful and life-changing... but then another moment passed, and they realized: no one knew what the hell to say.

"Well, that was pointless." Said Molly cheerfully.

Perry pinched the bridge of his nose as though in pain. "Turtleface," he addressed Turk, "Get Carla home. We'll be at the same field as last time."

As the couple left (with Carla insisting she could take care of herself, _thank you very much_) Janitor clapped his hands together loudly. "Right! Time to find my girlfriend!" His eyes burned with passionate determination.

Ben was visibly unimpressed by his drama.

_As long as I don't lose my boyfriend... _JD thought.

"Newbie, I know what you're thinking. Do not voice it or so help me GOD."

* * *

**A/N:** GASP. AN UPDATE? Yes. I feel this chapter was sillier than the others... though hopefully not overly so. I'd say something else, but I'm kinda short on time here. Hope you like it~ review, please.


	26. CH26: His Purpose in Afterlife

He always watched the world around him like a TV show. Something made exclusively and only for him. He wafted through the crowds, no one ever noticing him. Then again, it was kind of hard to notice someone you couldn't even _see_, right?

They passed straight through him, feeling nothing but a faint cold chill that could be brushed off within seconds. At first, he had been endlessly frustrated. Couldn't at least _one_ person see him, like in those crappy movies? He ached for social interaction. And then he began to wonder why he was even still there. Why hadn't he passed on, already? To the afterlife or something, since it _apparently_ existed?

He could find no answers.

He had died in this hospital, Sacred Heart. He always had a weak heart, like his father. But he had been so young! Why did he have to die? He missed his job at SeaWorld... he missed knowing his meaning in life at all. He had devoted himself to those dolphins.

He had been dead for nearly a year. But he was still there. He had tried to leave Sacred Heart before, but it was as if some boundary was keeping him rooted to the place (the only time he'd gotten out was to go to his own funeral, though afterwards he... 'passed out.' Though he was very much deceased, that was the only phrase he could find to describe it. He had 'woken up' back at the hospital, somehow. remembering nothing of how he'd ended up back there.) He could not go outside, not even to stick his head out a window, or poke a finger out an opened door. He watched people come and go every day, saw souls leave their bodies and fade away like he had expected to... to somewhere better. Hopefully.

He was going mad. What was his purpose, here?

To make matters worse, he had begun to grow feelings for the neurotic blonde doctor, Elliot Reid. He followed her around, sometimes (and felt like a creep all the while). She didn't even know he existed. Literally. Plus, she was dating that Janitor dude, now. Apparently. Sorta. Kind of?

Oh, and then there was the fact she was a demon hunter, or—something. He didn't quite understand half of what she and her friends blabbered about. Well. He glanced at Dr. Cox. He used the term_ 'friends'_ loosely. The curly-headed Irishman was discussing something with that JD... gay demon guy-person. Um. What WAS he? Oh, and his weird-ass brother.

Oh, and Elliot was missing. Couldn't forget that. 'Lucifer' had taken her. Even in death, he wasn't, uh... _educated_ on religious names, but he was pretty sure Lucifer was the name of the Devil. Or was that Samael or something?

He was a godforsaken _ghost_, what could he do to help?

Sean Kelly rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh—wishing that he could feel his hand.

* * *

Elliot had taken to staring up at the dark ceiling numbly.

Her friends would come for her. Because, really. They were trained for this sort of... stuff.

Despite what Cox always said, she didn't believe in fairytale endings. Something bad would happen, but they would prevail, right? They had before. There was this one time when a vampire had tried to rip her throat out. It was all a panicked blur to her now—way back from when she was a poor, stupid rookie—and Turk had blasted its head off with a shotgun, Perry staked it, and Carla immediately set to work on burning it to ashes while the other two leapt to Elliot's aid.

She had still recieved a wound on her neck; there was even a tiny scar to this day. Glenn—erm, the Janitor—whatever he wanted to be called, had commented on it on their first date (y'know, when he was inspecting her for bad scratches after the cats scratched the living hell out of her. He was _so sweet_—). But it hadn't been incredibly deep, because her friends were there to save her, just in time.

Friends, friends, _friends_. She felt corny and fake using that word, especially with how her mother had degraded it so much all her life, but _frickdammit_ it was true.

Even as she tried to convince herself, there was no dissolving that one glimmer of dread in her gut.

* * *

Perry paused for a second, "So you're saying...?"

Dan nodded and it reminded JD of a muppet's silly head motions, which was just_ incredibly _irrelevant but hell, it was _Dan_. "If what the Janitornator over here—"

"HEY!"

"—told us is true—"

The Janitor scowled viciously. "It IS, evil original spawn of my nemesis's parental units!"

"—Okay, firstly: that was lame, and two: we can create a temporary window into Lucifer's dungeons."

Carla cut in, "How are you so sure Elliot will be there?"

"It's where he kept us," Jordan answered. "Where else?"

"Dude, don't you watch TV?" Cried Turk, aghast. "Once they've used the dungeons, they'll use the towers hiiiiigh above the ground!"

Ben said, "Uh, Christopher? I think you're a bit _'hiiiiigh._'"

Molly giggled.

If he didn't have such a large ego, Perry would have faceplanted right then and there.

Janitor rolled his eyes. "Not even I am this insane."

"Yes you are." Snapped JD.

For a moment, Janitor looked as if he was about to whack him over the head with his mop (he still HAD that thing with him?), but then he actually stopped to consider it. "...True." He shrugged. "Okay, now onto the subject of getting my girlfriend back." He pointed his finger at an invisible spot between Carla and Jordan, "We'll need this guy."

Silence passed over them for a moment. "WHAT guy?" Perry barked.

"The dead guy. The one who had a heart attack. He's a ghost now. Forgot his name." There was some more silence, and the Janitor gave an internal dramatic sigh,_ I am a Shifter. S-H-I-F-T-E-R. Shaman, animal-shifter, and spirit-communicator. DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU? ...Oh, wait. I just did._

Ben blinked and Molly tilted her head. Jordan scoffed, "If there was a spirit here, I think demons like us would be able to see them."

"Actually..." JD drifted off.

Dan stared at him. "You can see him, little bro?" Well, JD had always been the flipping _special_ one, hadn't he? Pfft.

JD shook his head. "No. But... I can feel him. Like a disturbance in the air."

"How's a ghost gonna help us?" Turk asked, nose wrinkling in confusion.

The Janitor snorted. "More than you think."

* * *

Amidst all the chatter, Sean was frozen, staring at the Janitor's finger that was still right in his face. And he was mentally freaking out.

* * *

**A/N:** So. Do you think including Sean was a good idea? I want to include as many _Scrubs_ characters as I can. (Ted will be showing up soon.) I know it may seem a bit sudden, but think: Sean's a ghost. They didn't notice him, and the Janitor's had no need to mention him until now. And JD didn't realize he was there, either, until he started focusing on searching for him just now.

Oh, and **HAPPY NEW YEARS!** 2011, here we come!


	27. CH27: Allergic to Angel Feathers

Yellowed grass swayed in the breeze, birds chirped carelessly in the trees, and overall, everything seemed peaceful—

"Didn't I tell you to take Carla HOME?" Perry shouted, jerking a thumb at the pregnant nurse whom was there when she _sooo_ should _nawt_ have been.

Turk refused to meet the older man's eyes. "She threatened to take away sex for a year."

"Ugh..." Before Perry could say anything, the Janitor threw in his two cents: "I told you we're taking a 'deep-shit dive' into Hell. The temporary portal would probably harm a child. In fact, I'd guarantee a miscarriage."

"I know that!" Carla snapped. "I'm not saying I should go through! But you need someone to bring you back here, like an anchor, don't you?"

Reluctance filled the Janitor's eyes, "Well..."

The Dominican nurse crossed her arms and glared at him.

He gave in. "Fine. But if I even sense a _hint_ of any funny business—" He cut himself off at the look she gave him.

"Shut up, Jumpsuit."

"Okay."

* * *

Sean watched this all in disbelief. To anyone, at first glance this whole entire group looked as if they fought like cats and dogs constantly. But the more time he spent with them... the more they all fit to together in his eyes. It was odd, like something out of a crappy movie.

He felt out of place in their world.

His thoughts stopped abruptly as the Janitor turned to him, and he thought he saw Dr. Cox prickle with unease (the redhead apparently didn't like working with people he couldn't see... and he was a hunter of the supernatural. Sucked to be him).

"What do I do?" Sean asked.

"I want you to concentrate," said the Janitor, "Focus all your energy."

Sean's brows knitted together in confusion, "Onto what?"

The Janitor's bright eyes darkened ominously, "Everything."

"...Er."

The moment was ruined when the Shifter snorted in amusement suddenly, "Nah, I'm just messin' with ya. Try and think of Blonde Doc—uh, Elliot while spreading your energy all around us. The Demonic Foursome over here—"

Ben and Dan sniggered, "_'Foursome.'_" JD flushed in embarassment and Jordan appeared ready to rip them both a new one. Molly's grin became strained somewhat, as if she was trying not to giggle.

"—will do the same."

"Okay..." Mumbled Sean uncertainly. "But... what do you need a dead guy for, anyway?"

Annoyance flashed in the Janitor's eyes, "I already explained that."

"Dude!" Sean cried, "I'm not a Hunter or a demon or ANYTHING! Just the freaking lonely ghost of a SeaWorld worker! I didn't understand half of what you said!"

For a moment, the Shifter seemed angry... but then it faded. He sighed. "Whatever, lemme put it simpler for you; you're already dead, you have more ties to the afterlife than any of us, even the demons. At least they still have a heartbeat."

Sean winced.

"...Sorry. You get it now?"

"Not really."

"Too bad." The Janitor deadpanned, "Let's do this!"

* * *

"**WAIT**!" A booming voice thundered from nowhere.

It only took Perry a milisecond to recognize it, and he groaned. "_Laverne_..."

There was a flash of white light and then Turk was sneezing, because somehow angel wing feathers had found their way up his nose.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, there's not much to say besides 'I'm sorry for the shortness of his chapter'... which I am. At least something happened. I hope you still enjoy and review. :)


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